Chorus
I don't know what you heard about me,
But my party just got rid of me,
What am I gonna say to Betsy
I'm just a real unlucky Tory M.P.

Verse 1
Now the wife, she in the office, she ain't doing nada
She got a thing for that Gucci, that Fendi, that Prada
That BCBG, Burberry, Dolce and Gabana
She tell them she my secretary, they pay her 'cause I wanna-
As long as I'm the big man, the money's for her,
An hour later, have that cash back home in the parlour,
Them ministers saying in my ear I can't be leader,
They got my name on their list, they tryin' to get my a**e up out here
Don't like my style? Don't like my smile? Don't like the way I talk?
Well, just look at the idiot that's governing New York!
I'm that Tory tryin' to holla because I have to plead:
"I'm that Tory tryin' to holla because I wanna lead!!!"
Could you care less how Blair performs when he in Downing Street,
While I hit the road, catch a train and no one else takes heed,
I go back to my constituency,
You messin' with me, you messin' with a TORY M.P.

Chorus
I don't know what you heard about me,
But my party just got rid of me,
What am I gonna say to Betsy
I'm just a real unlucky Tory M.P.

Verse 2
I'm 'bout the money you see, hey, you can make fun of me,
But if you messing with me, I'm a Tory M.P.,
Not what you see on TV, I got no greasy
Manner (or hair), I'm a Tory M.P.,
Come get money with me, be my secretary
If you wanna work for a Tory M.P.,
See when they ousted me, watch it on TV
Those b****es were messin' with a Tory M.P.,
They've popped some champagne and they're having a ball,
Well let them be the leader, I can't do it all
If they want a leader, ask some guy at the mall,
And if they want a Tory, Blair's the one they should call,
They'll really splurge, peeps, and the party will fall!
Listen, if you need some money, don't make taxes too small,
The one who'll be the leader won't care 'bout this,
'Cause we're Tories, we're mad, and all we do is get p**sed!

Chorus
I don't know what you heard about me,
But my party just got rid of me,
What am I gonna say to Betsy
I'm just a real unlucky Tory M.P.

Verse 3
I told you fools before, I stay with the loons,
Let me be the leader, pay my wife in jewels,
I threaten other parties 'til the lot of them's confused,
They give good speeches, me, I just stare at my shoes,
I say nothing but filler, make the party seem cheaper,
Theresa May can do this, 'cause I know you ain't gon' keep her,
Man, leaders come and go, every single one will go,
It ought to be secret, you say the press will never know,
Be choosing me, I'll keep the country on its feet,
I'll put other parties down, they get their a** beat,
I promise I'll be good and keep relations with the French,
The last thing you'll do is put me on the back-bench,
You'll get the UK out of pocket, put a charge on all things,
Cause MPs need TVs, they gotta live like kings,
Make an MP rich, I ain't payin' for all this,
Let's get in power, and then play some tricks!

Chorus
I don't know what you heard about me,
But my party just got rid of me,
What am I gonna say to Betsy
I'm just a real unlucky Tory M.P.