I took it out, it was a Wednesday night
My tooth was out and it felt just so right
Then I discovered it should have dropped out
In 1930. Oh..

And that's about the time that I fell on the floor
Nobody likes you when you're 84
And are still more amused by making jigsaws
What the hell's an OAP?
And I don't even know my name
What's my name again?
What's Bill's name again?

Then when I went to pick up my pension
I ended up somewhere called Denton
I said "I'm William Hague,
That rhymes with cherryade
I don't like Euro currency"

And that's about the time they all gave up on me
Nobody likes you when you're 93
And act like a case for lobotomy
What the hell is up with me?
Modern life has passed me by
Wish it were 1910
Can I turn back Big Ben?

And that's about the time my library fine was due
Nobody likes a book from '82
And it was called "The Satanic Verses"
Just broke some foreign country's law
Oh I'm done for now.
Oh I'm in the crap.

And after paying that fine I had an accident
Attached a pylon to my camping tent
And it made my skin just tingle a bit
Then started to slightly itch
Oops! that's the end of me
I've spooned up again
I've spooned up again.
[Sound effect: boom!]