I used to rule the world,
Teens hung on to my every word.
My masterpiece is now ridiculed,
Books reduced to fire fuel.

I thought that my franchise
Was the apple of everyone’s eyes.
Listen as the fangirls shrieked,
“Wish my boyfriend was an undead antique!”

I started off doing great;
How’d the love all turn to hate?
Said that they wanted something new and fresh,
So I gave them emos with glitter flesh.

Even Taylor Lautner’s abs could not save
My Twilight series in its last days.
Guess you shouldn’t build your empire
On the back of a sparkling vampire.
For some reason, the fact that my
Fans all act sick in the head
Just didn’t help one bit.
Well, there’s a few more movies yet.

Maybe it was the shower curtains
Or the cookbooks, can’t be certain.
You can’t shop without seeing RPattz
Emblazoned on panties and trucker hats.

The jetpacks were a bit much,
Like the condoms and dolls and such.
But I stand by the Twilight ice cream
And Edward-flavored refried black beans.

It all got way too hot too fast, you say?
Can’t build Hot Topic Rome in one day?
Fifteen minutes is all I’ll get
To sell all these Cullen coven Chia pets.
But once they’re mainstream, people might
Reject them out of ironic spite.
I’m losing ground quick;
Thank God for insecure Goth chicks.

I fear the time on my clock’s run out,
Guess it’s time for a new career route.
Still, I’ll miss all the rabid fans
And describing how vampires don’t tan.
For some reason, Kristen Stewart’s
Acting talent only seemed to hurt.
Used to lead the herds,
But that was when I ruled the world...