Games in the BACK-yard are those I love most
I just cut the grass so I’m happy to host
Oh I could play horse shoes ev’ry day
It’s perfect to pass the time away
Just hangin’ all day on the lawn

Let’s stand in a line sayin’ “Send over Joe!”
No tellin’ how LONG this Red Rover’ll go
There’s no way we’ll let him break our line
Knock him on his backside ev’ry time
Oh, all these lawn games are so fun!

But I won’t do croquet
I’ll put my foot down
I hate all the balls and the stakes in the ground
And I’d rather stick
My face in a shrub
Than try to hit balls with that dumb little club
“I won’t play croquet”
Will be my re-ply
And if you SUG-gest it; then I’ll tan your hide
I won’t do croquet
I won’t do croquet

If you should decide that GAME to play
Don’t be shocked if I should RUN away
‘Cause I can’t get my game face on

If you want croquet
The outlook is bleak
I’d rather do Bo-cce, or hide and go seek
I’ve got volleyball
In sand or the grass
But if you say “CRO-quet” then I’ll kick your ass
I don’t like croquet
And if you ask why
I’ll try to explain, but I’ll pro-bab-ly cry
What more can I say?

I…HATE CROQUET

You know I broke my face at the rink
But I’d ice skate all day long
Before I would play croquet one time
And yes, my feelings ARE that strong
That game is wrong

(Yeah...)

Yeah it’s with a PASS-ion that I hate it the most
I’d rather die
Let’s play frisbee golf or throw rings on a post

‘Cause when playin’ croquet
I looked like a clown
I tripped on MY mal-let and fell to the ground
I stepped on a ball
To land on my gut
I’ve still got a WICK-et attached to my butt
From tryin’ croquet
I’ve got a black eye
The swelling’s gone down, but I’m still blind
From playin’ croquet
No freakin’ croquet

Ah..yeah…hate croquet
Don’t wanna play
No, no croquet

(fade to end)