Woke up at three in the afternoon
Just thought that I had to be in Congress soon
I missed the vote on Taxes and MediCare
But the Pig Roast's at five and I gotta be there
Walked out the door and got waylaid
60 Minutes crew askin' 'bout my maid
I went in the house to get my phone
Called my lawyer - but the jerk wasn't home
Snuck out the back and baby just in time
Mike Wallace had been joined by CNN and Nightline
I jumped in the limo, told the driver to fly
He even took out Ted Koppel as he drove on by

I checked out USA Today
I was up 3 points thanks to the NRA
I put Charleton Heston at the top of my list
Of people whose butts deserve to get kissed

Cruisin' to the hill in my li-mo
Suckin' up to the rich, ignorin' the po'
I went to the bar to get the scoop
If you stay in your office you're out of the loop
As I walk in the door, who can it be?
The staggering figure of Ted Kennedy
He walks up to me and he starts to say
It's all about tonic and Tangueray

Cuz the boyz on the hill are alwayz hard
Been puttin' Viagra in the waterjars
Wantin' nothin' in life but to spread that pork
And find an Intern to pop their cork

Bored as hell and I wanna get screwed
So I got to a place where the girls are nude
They're up on stage dancin' for my dollar
I whipped out my wad and the girls all hollered
Pulled up a chair and I start drinkin'
All that gyratin' has got me thinkin'
Gotta get my intern to rock her ass or
I'll kick her butt out, send her back to Vasser
Back on the hill, called her in for a meet
Pinned her up against the wall and I grabbed her seat
Told her that I didn't want the same old jack, could
She service me like she did for Bob Packwood

The bitch set me up! Wouldn't you know?
The whole thing was shown live on HBO
And my lawyer burst in and started to shout
Seems my Ethics committee chair is now in doubt

Cuz the boyz on the hill are alwayz hard
Been puttin' Viagra in the waterjars
Wantin' nothin' in life but to spread that pork
And find an Intern to pop their cork

Re-election's comin', but have no fear
Incumbent's gonna win, there ain't no term limits here.