May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Big Teddy please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Big Teddy please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here...

Ya'll act like you've never seen a fat person before
crumbs all on the floor, with jam
big mommy just broke through the door
my ass started growing bigger and worse than before
I just broke the floor, not to mention broken furniture (OOWW!!!)
It's the return of the...'oh wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just eat what I think he did, did he?'
And Nick Ciccone ate...nothing you idiots, Nick Ciccone's dead!
He's here in my stomach
All the little kids fear Teddy M.
'twigga twigga twigga Big Teddy, I'm sick of looking at him, but look at him, walkin' around eatin' his you-know-what, hittin' on you-know-who'
'Yeah, but he's so big though'
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my brain loose
but no worse than what's going on in that cruddy lunchroom
Sometimes I just wanna get in Mickey D's and just let loose
but can't, but it's cool for ol' Ronald to tempt me with his dead moose
'My pickle's in your brain, my pickle's in your brain,
and that might be the reason your IQ is quite ashamed'
And that's the message you deliver to Ted he's lame
and expect him not to know maybe his own name
Of course he's gotta know what his own name is
by the time he hits 8th Grade
he has to write it down on the GEPA's, don't he?
He has nothin' but problems, well some of it's issues
that he resolves by knockin' out little children's tissues
But if he can drain his brain like that
and eat a cat then there's no reason he can't get his own car tires flat
But if you feel like I feel I've got the antitdote
Teddy is completely gross
sing the chorus and it goes...

I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Will Smith don't gotta eat in his rap to sell records
well I do, so I'll eat him and I'll eat you too
You think I give a damn about a BLT
half of the ingredients will make a thinner me
bigger lone stand me
'But Ted, what if you went a diet, wouldn't it be weird'
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here
so you can sit me here next to Thinney Spears?
Man, Ronald McDonald better give me extra chairs
so at least only one seat is going to burst
I really don't keep count of which one broke first
All these beans made me blast one at Edgar School
'yeah he's big, but I don't really think he's all that cool'
I sit down low to cheese pizzas on a thin toadstool
and show the whole world how you made Big Teddy rule (Ha ha!)
I'm sick of these blue and cherry slurpies
all they do is annoy me so I've been sent here to return them
And there's a million of us just like me
who eat like me, who just like pork and beef like me
who scarf like me, walk, talk and act like me
it just might be the next best thing but not quite me

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to
cuz I'm only giving you things you make fun of with your friends inside your living room
the only difference is I've got the balls to eat it in front of ya'll and it's always gotta frosted and sugar-coated it all
I just get near the trash and spit it
and whether you like to admit it
I just ate more than ninety-percent of the fast-food out there
then you wonder how can he eat up these burgers and value meals
It's funny, cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm twenty
all be the only fat man in the nursin' home eatin'
into Big Mac burgers when I'm chomping and repeatin'
and I'm speeding, but this bag of french fries isn't workin'
and every single person is a Big Teddy lurkin'
he could be eating at Burger King
wolfin' down your onion rings
Or in the parking lot circlin'
screamin' "I will get in somehow!"
with his window down and his megaphone loud
So will the real Teddy please stand up
and put one of those fingers on each hand up
and be proud to be out of your mind
and out of control and one more time
loud as you can, how does it go

I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

Cuz I'm Big Teddy
Yes, I'm the real Teddy
All you other fat people don't eat that much jelly
Because I'm Big Teddy I can't stand up,
can't stand up, can't stand up

I guess there's a little hatred for Ted in all of us
Damnit, let's all stand up