May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Boston Celtics please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Boston Celtics please stand up?
We're gonna have a basketball game here...

Y'all act like you've never seen a basketball game before
Even when it's played on our famous parquet floor
But we've all won championships before
Sixteen of those banners hanging in the roof (Damn!)
It's the comeback of ("crowd cheering"), you must be kidding
This can't be the same Boston Celtics team
But Paul Pierce said...("The Celtics have upset the Pacers in the playoffs!")
Everybody in town loves the Leprechaun
Who the hell are they? Look at them, they ain't no good
We ain't won a title since '86
Whatever, we're still better than the Knicks

I remember when Bill Russell cleaned the glass
Grabbing 20 rebounds and swatting your ass
Like a fly, then he'd fling the ball to K.C. Jones
Oh, wait a minute, or wasn't that Sam Jones?
Eleven championship rings in twelve years they won
That would be five a hand, plus another one
Bob Cousy ran the show for all of those teams
Making other point guards get really green
From envy, for losing to the dynasty
Unmatched even by the damn Yankees
Cause the Yanks never won eleven in a row
The best New York did was five, too short
From the time we swept the Lakers in '59
We continued to rule the game until '69
Well enough of this old-school flashback
Sing the chorus, I said, sing the chorus, Jack!

We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

1974 and '76, '81, '84 and then '86
We owned the NBA, you will know it by
All those banners and the numbers that we retired
And who gives a ("whistle blows") about the L.A. Lakers?
They're all just a bunch of West Coast haters
It's true, they're slowly gaining up on us
But I hope L.A. doesn't ever replace us
At the top, we beat them like a zillion times
At least until Magic Johnson started dropping dimes
But we still had Larry Bird shooting threes
And McHale and the Chief neutralizing Kareem
You walk out on that parquet floor
And you know that we still wanna see some more
Like the time ("Havlicek stole the ball!")
You just look up, and soon you'll be sure to fall
There are twenty-nine other teams in the league
That play like us but aren't as cool as us
And aren't good and just might be a clone but not quite the C's

We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

We're the greatest dynasty in pro sports yet
A zillion times better than the Yanks, we bet
Now we want to get the Lucky Charm back again
All we need are twelve really talented men
The first thing to do, get Walker back
He's the only guy that had Paul Pierce's back
Then fill all the other spots with legit stars
And a bench waving towels like M.L. Carr
Then the last thing we need is a real great coach
Most likely in the style of Larry Bird
But we don't need Phil Jackson and his Zen ("glass breaking")
Listen up, everybody, Bird's the word!
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up?
And go out on the floor and beat the other teams up
And make whoever roots against you look like fools
Sing that chorus again, you know it's cool

We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
We're the Boston Celtics, the real Boston Celtics
All you other Boston Celtics are just faking
So will the real Boston Celtics please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

Guess there's a little bit of Celtic Pride in all of us. Oh sh*t, let's all tip it off!