(spoken)
Attention Gerrity's shoppers.
Attention Gerrity's shopper.
Will the real Jim Smitty please get the carts?
Will the real Jim Smitty please get the carts?
We're gonna have a cleanup here.

(song)
Y'all act like you've never seen a grocery manager before
Jaws all on the floor in panic.
And Smitty just burst in the door
And started cutting hours worse than before
He's always the worst giving us all his dirty work
It's the return of the ah wait no wait your kidding
He didn't just say what I think he said did he
And Lenny K says nothing you idiots Lenny K is dead
He's locked in the dairy cooler
Venimous customers love M & M's
Jicka jicka jicka Jim Smitty
I'm sick of him look at him walking around
Stocking the Fruit Loops
And ordering too much food
Yeah but he's a manager though
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws
Up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in the employee break room
Sometimes I just want to get on the intercom and let loose
But I can't
But it's cool for Fat Tim to stock the orange juice
We gotta get the carts
We gotta get the carts
And if your lucky you just might be able to smoke a cig
And that's the message we deliver to new customers
And expect them not to know where Gatorade is
Of course there gonna know
When in the courses by the time they hit Aisle 5
They asked Smitty didn't they
We ain't nothing but managers
Well some of us register workers
Who like to check out other people's cantatloupes
But if we could stock fresh orange juice
And not drink booze
Then there's no reason why Norm and Ed should elope
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote
Half off on pantyhose
Sing the chorus and it goes

(chorus 2x)
I'm Jim Smitty, yes I'm the real Smitty
All you other Jim Smitty's are just imitating
So won't the real Jim Smitty please get the carts, get the carts, get the carts

(verse 2)
Jim Smith don't gotta stock his aisle to sell specials
Well I do
So screw him and screw you too
You think I give a damn about Gerrity's
Half you customers can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
But Jim what if you win manager of the year
Wouldn't it be weird
Why so you can get me a case of beer
Hell, Larry Denicola better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Jim Schartzer and even worse
Watch him eat lots of food until his stomach burst
Fat cat ate all the food during inventory
Yeah he's fat
And I think he's married to his hand...he he
I'll walk around my office why you stock aisle 3
And wonder how the hell they'd even hire a guy like me
I'm sick of my AA and DUI groups
All you do is annoy me
So I'm sitting here drinking whiskey
And there's a million managers just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don't give a damn like me
Who work like me, smoke, joke and drink like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

(Chorus 2x)

(Verse 3)
I'm like a head trip to listen to
Cause I'm only giving you things you joke about with your friends inside the break room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it, in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be drunk to make no sense at all
I'll just get in an aisle and stock
And whether you like to admit it
I can stock it better than 90% of you managers out there
Then you wonder how can customers buy up these specials like thaliums.
It's funny
Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 40
I'll still be the only person at Gerrity's still workin
Grabbing customers asses while I'm stocking all the Hellmans
And every person is a Jim Smitty lurking
Who could be working in Gerrity's spitting on your ham and cheese
Or in the parking lot, smoking
With his suit coat on
And 6 pack opened up
So will the real Smitty please get the carts
And put one of those specials in each aisle up
And be proud and outta your mind and out of control
And one more time loud as you can how does it go

(Chrous 2x)


The end