I ca-an't regula-ate
My child's endless energy
Each ho-ur's like a da-ay's work
Except I get paid nothing
What's most annoying, thou-ough
Of all the things my son does, mate
Is all the drawings that he-e makes
But not on paper, buddy

Drawi-ing on the wa-alls
He thinks he's an artist
He's just scrawling dirty-y marks
Messy little bastard
Maybe-e when he's o-old
The next Jackson Pollock
But for now these dirty-y marks
Just inflame my anger

Hard to wash it o-off
So many colours here, dude
It's not the same wall ea-each time
Tends to be near all of them
Solution should be-e
To take his crayons, but see
Can't bring myself to tha-at, he
Just looks so friggin' ha-appy

Doodle-es by the score
Look like total gibb'rish
See him scrawling dirty-y marks
Mad untidy wanker
Though hi-im I adore
The mess, I can't stand it
When he's scrawling dirty-y marks
Hard to curb my ange-er

How much longer will this go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go?

This was fine when he was two years o-old (two years old)
Supposed to grow out of this, so I-I'm told (this, I'm told)
Cause he's currently at an esteemed university
Still scrawls, I screa-eam

My so-on's twenty-fou-our
That's hi-is crayon penis
Yes, when I said "dirty-y" marks
That's the way I meant it
What a-a total dork
Can't say that he's plastered
Sober scrawling dirty-y marks
An endearing basta-ard