Crashed into a Spruce
Knocked a few teeth loose
Skis I can't control
You will hear me moan
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

No, This sport I cannot promote
Cause I can't pull off stunts
No way, I can't even stand up
And even that chairlift makes me queasy
Though I like seeing the caribou
I won't switch skis for snowshoes
Cause unlike you I cannot gli-i-i-i-i-i-i-ide
I'm falling down, down now

Hot cocoa I'm drinkin'
Don't want to be freezin'
I'm not going skiin'
Peein' my name in the snow when I'm good and plastered
I'll fall down on the ground, I know it
See that Saint Bernard pup
I'll be saved by that mutt
I am too damn scared, Wow!
With skis I'm impaired now
Forget you cuz because I ain't leavin'
I ain't leavin'

Getting whacked and bruised
Ran into a moose
It is too damn cold
I'm not feeling bold
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Think I'll do the Slalom
Then you're just plain crazy
Not putting on those straps
Cause I'm too damn lazy
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Clumsy! That's what they think of me
But I just don't like to be risky
A cup of coffee for me
Instead of freezing like the other guys
Cause if I went to join those dudes
Then with a pole I'll end up skewed
And who needs all of that stri-i-i-i-i-i-ife?
So I'll stay insi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ide

Got a fire steamin'
No need to be screamin'
My friends are schemin'
Demons want to get me out of here out on that mountain
I won't budge in the lodge's a chocolate fountain
I might be a damn klutz
I ain't bustin' my nuts
I'm double dog dared now
To get off my chair, Wow!
Get on that slope like a dope skiin'
A dope skiin'

I'll use some excuse
I will not break loose
You will hear me groan
Won't get in the snow
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

I'm too full of pasta
Can't on a full tummy
I don't want to be dropped
Lookin' like a dummy
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Ski's Lame!
Girl, You know I ski bad... Leg will be broke
You'll see me plotz and I'll become a joke
Poles I'm grippin'
(Got me in a cold sweat)
This gear I'm equippin'
Why can't we just go yet?
Sick of this place like Juneau
Gawky, As Bozo
To move around I would rather stick with a Yugo
Oh-No!
This is not my scene
Hit a tree trunk and now I am tumbling
This trip makes me say "Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Next year Hawaii I beg
Cause here I just fret in Alpines (Just fret in Alpines)
I'm cracking my spine (I'm cracking my spine)
Off ramps I'm seeing some fly (Fly, fly)
But to me that's danger
Don't think there is too much stranger
You'd have to be brave as Chuck Norris: Texas Ranger

Need to hit the booze
Cause I will not cruise
Won't throw you a bone
With those skis you own
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Slipping on a glacier
It is far too icy
Shouldn't of left my pad
Trip's extremely pricy
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Every tourist has to yodel from on top this mountain top
Yell "Little old lady who!!!"
Don't make an avalanche, It's not wise
If you do people die
The vacation planner I will throttle cause in these skis I waddle
That's why I like to dawdle when you say let's hit powder
Said "Nice try!"
But I will not comply...

Dear just hand me that noose
I'll put it to use
Go get me the phone
Want to go back home!
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall

Next year let's try China
Or even New Jersey!
Let's head out to PA
Go and check out Hershey!
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall
Visiting the A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-Alps I'll fall