"Hey, it's a quarter to eight.
Go to Best Buy.
Morning after Thanksgiving Day Sale is about to start.
Everything's gonna be gone after nine.
All that really matters in our superficial world,
is this shopping list I put together, baby just remember: "

"More ornaments for the tree.
An expensive pair of jeans.
The thousand different versions of "Lord of the Rings",
the stupid things are never free.
A gun, some boots, a mini bar.
Clear out garage space for two cars.
How I hate the stupid things,
the stupid things just are."

"Oh no, here we go again.
I don't dance.
Last time I did, I ripped a hole in my pants.
I feel like an old fart with too much time on my hands.
Out of all the comments that I've made about women's behinds,
I'm surprised they didn't turn around and give me a slap to remember..."

"Hey baby what's your number and your game?
I don't care about your name.
After all the sleepless nights the stupid things remain.
All fun, hotel rooms, the bars.
Now I can't pay off my two cars.
'Cause I spent it all on the stupid things,
the stupid things just are!"

(Bridge.)

"OOOH Owwwoww! Got sun-tan lotion in my eyes,
now I can't tell day from night.
I know it's the head up a butt that brings the stupid things to life. Abuse with guns, injustice in courtrooms, and SARs.
Do I really need another car?
I hate the way the stupid things,
the stupid things just are!"

"The stupid things just are."

"Look out the stupid things... just are."