-> "These Zits"
Original Song Title:
"These Kids"
Original Performer:
Joel Turner and the Modern Day Poets
Parody Song Title:
"These Zits"
Parody Written by:
Nib Oswald
The Lyrics
These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.
Slapped on my bubble face,
Colonies of pimples grow.
Brown bag in public, over my head because it's looking gross,
Face complexion like dog food,
And I shouldn't just squeeze em, cuz they'd flood you.
So many bumps and runny slime. I'm covered in zits, dozen a dime.
Oh, how my life is a bugger. I'm covered in goop, it's so friggin ugly.
I'm foaming from pus, congealing or runny.
It's like a honey drowning my face all the time.
Can't stop it with any wipes. A flow of fluids piped out: the tide is high.
A clammy tie cuz projectiles,
Just escape my face and freely spray. Look, a stray spout is racing by.
Dammit, they shoot like a spud gun, pointilistic oils here.
Pursuing these shelves of drugs for a gel to help cure me.
No horripilation, just blackheads and a pasty face.
The kids at school love to make fun-o'-me with quips like 'stain head'.
Pop them with my tweezers causing suppuration.
Fat grease erupting. Growing inflammation. Pus, I'll bleed on you.
(You may run from all detonations, which wet you with oily goo.)
This song goes out to my bulbs, pustules festering.
My head is glistening from these zits that are bubbling,
A connect-the-dot jaw.
Please rid these zits with scissors,
Or instead a truckload of C-4.
These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.
[incoherent ramblings:]
You've probably dealt abuse out to a fourteen year old kid,
Who has a nose bridge all wet and slick from popping his zits.
And it's all pockmarked from mutilation, a speckled wasteland,
With all the irritation he just wants to get his face back.
But pimple paste they make's disgraceful, it's just another bait for average joes
To cash their check as they hope attempting this will help their bloated necks.
Yell jokes at them with blackheads and bubbles.
Full of pus, oil-pumps for heads.
You're laughing at those geeky freaks, they cover the bubbles up instead.
Like the blotched red, the same jokes latch on time and time again.
Zits riot and these whiteheads squeezing pus projectiles ahead.
They squirt like a hose then run all day and ooze. Living as a pizza-dome.
They feel much too plain for a girl, like a zit's clone.
Sitting alone become known as quite joker-prone.
Where clowns focus groans and humiliate you, "Pus-cream cones!"
It's your spotty nose they aim to joke as gross.
Lots of pus disgusts the most slutty hos.
Pimple cream fails to clean, they're still the same wearing hives.
Mangy skin is greasy, to wipe the grime off won't suffice.
Seems life isn't worth living when you've been given this rancid sight.
Drugs do not help to cleanse us, there's just more bumps to fight.
Once used Clearasil, two whole bottles.
A grinder to the nose and I'm still mottled.
If acne's a crime, I'm a repeat offender.
It's like defusing a mine, you could kill with these bubbles,
Yeah, like zit gelignite, there's a whole lot of rubble.
I'm losing the struggle,
They're growing in double.
Somewhere out there somebody could scrub you,
Scrub away the layer of gunge, yeah.
Scrub away the layer of gunge.
These zits, spattered and gluggy things.
Don't know that they're dreaded, no.
Head full and bubbling, pop like confetti from my spotty nose.
My spotty nose!
Gross!
[riff of bursting zits]
These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.
Slapped on my bubble face,
Colonies of pimples grow.
Brown bag in public, over my head because it's looking gross,
Face complexion like dog food,
And I shouldn't just squeeze em, cuz they'd flood you.
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Voting Results
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Pacing: | 4.6 | |
How Funny: | 4.4 | |
Overall Rating: | 4.5 | |
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Total Votes: | 22 |
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Voting Breakdown
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| 5 | | 17 | |
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