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Song Parodies -> "Happy 17th Birthday, Emi! (Finally, You're Legal!)"
Original Song Title:
"Cry Me A River"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Justin Timberlake
Parody Song Title:
"Happy 17th Birthday, Emi! (Finally, You're Legal!)"
Parody Written by:
Nib Oswald
The Lyrics
Two figures silhouetted in a car at 11:55pm, twiddling their thumbs.
You were too young.*
Pubescent squirt.
A cute little urchin with 8 o'clock curfew.
D'oh...
Such black-book romance,
Afraid that it's banned.
So I just abandoned schemes of wayward kid-pashing now.
Oh...
You were underage.
Such a kid.
Your hair in a bow,
Wore floaties to SWIM!
Flower underpants?
You'd ruin me,
For two-to-three.
But, oh, today that ban is outed!
You've sold your hush puppies,
Learned how to weewee on your own.
Your development's speedy,
No more dollies, you're all grown.
Built to seduce. A lustfulness infused
In both of your eyes.
This fledgling's matured into a hot bird.
...alright!
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Yeah, yeah...
I know that the age of sixteen would have me in the red.
This bastard, Luke Brattoni, stalks the rim 'til you've grown up.
(Then cracks open the Trojans!)
Once seventeen, you're "much older",
Can mess around in bed.
(Make like jam and spread!)
It's government policy.
Everyone must condone it.
'kay...
Now at seventeen,
You're legit.
Here's a video.
Rewound from the END!
Now when I advance,
When wooing thee,
The sex decree,
Condones your age, the state allows it!
You're old... well 'enough', see.
It used to peeve me loads and loads.
Now you're allowed to breed free,
'Nought to naughty'? Who'd have known?
Would be abuse, if I'd tried to seduce
You before this time.
One minute you're barred... next you're within law.
Uh, right...
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Yeah, yeah...
*silhouetted hand reaches out at 11:58pm, is slapped by government official in the back seat*
"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta hunt within season."
"No!" (No?)
It's illogic, bunk, hardly displaying reason!
"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta be seventeen, man."
"No!" (No?)
Such measures are bunk and are based so naively!
No-no yesterday.
"Just a kid."
"She's not ready yet."
"Much too young and DIM!"
"When the little hand
Touches the big,
THEN you can frig!"
Oh, don't try making sense out of it...
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm now in prison... Oh.
Time zones were different... Oh.
Nineteen hours early... Oh.
"Fry him, the pervert!" Oh... woah...
Pubescent squirt.
A cute little urchin with 8 o'clock curfew.
D'oh...
Such black-book romance,
Afraid that it's banned.
So I just abandoned schemes of wayward kid-pashing now.
Oh...
You were underage.
Such a kid.
Your hair in a bow,
Wore floaties to SWIM!
Flower underpants?
You'd ruin me,
For two-to-three.
But, oh, today that ban is outed!
You've sold your hush puppies,
Learned how to weewee on your own.
Your development's speedy,
No more dollies, you're all grown.
Built to seduce. A lustfulness infused
In both of your eyes.
This fledgling's matured into a hot bird.
...alright!
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Yeah, yeah...
I know that the age of sixteen would have me in the red.
This bastard, Luke Brattoni, stalks the rim 'til you've grown up.
(Then cracks open the Trojans!)
Once seventeen, you're "much older",
Can mess around in bed.
(Make like jam and spread!)
It's government policy.
Everyone must condone it.
'kay...
Now at seventeen,
You're legit.
Here's a video.
Rewound from the END!
Now when I advance,
When wooing thee,
The sex decree,
Condones your age, the state allows it!
You're old... well 'enough', see.
It used to peeve me loads and loads.
Now you're allowed to breed free,
'Nought to naughty'? Who'd have known?
Would be abuse, if I'd tried to seduce
You before this time.
One minute you're barred... next you're within law.
Uh, right...
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Yeah, yeah...
*silhouetted hand reaches out at 11:58pm, is slapped by government official in the back seat*
"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta hunt within season."
"No!" (No?)
It's illogic, bunk, hardly displaying reason!
"No!" (No?)
"It's statut'ry, son. Gotta be seventeen, man."
"No!" (No?)
Such measures are bunk and are based so naively!
No-no yesterday.
"Just a kid."
"She's not ready yet."
"Much too young and DIM!"
"When the little hand
Touches the big,
THEN you can frig!"
Oh, don't try making sense out of it...
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Finally you're legal!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
My thoughts aren't evil!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm all aquiver!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
Waited forever!
(Gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee gimmee!)
I'm now in prison... Oh.
Time zones were different... Oh.
Nineteen hours early... Oh.
"Fry him, the pervert!" Oh... woah...
* http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm and then scroll, with scroll button.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
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| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | ||||||||
| 5 | 7 | 7 | 7 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
17's not legal in the USA. Another year for that
Wow, I wish I had a parody all about me... I would vote, but gladly, I don't remember the original song. (Gladly because I don't like the song, not the parody)...
I dunno if the subtle hard-to-get approach is working, Luke - maybe she's not picking up on your true intentions
(and I take it then that "gimme gimme gimme that girl after midnight" is still up for grabs?) - 555
(and I take it then that "gimme gimme gimme that girl after midnight" is still up for grabs?) - 555
Actually, 16 is legal in some parts of the USA, and we just recently had a case involving some twenty-something guy and 13-year-old girl getting married in Nebraska. (What's legal depends on the state, though. See that list Mr. Ralphing provides for the details.)
Happy Birthday EmiLoca.
I don't know the original song well enough to know how well it matches up but it's funny and a very clever idea. Good job!
Oh drattikins. I submitted this around 7pm Saturday but it managed to get into the Saturday lot anyway. My birthday message is hence a premature ejaculation...
nah, still too subtle, matey...
(19 hours later) I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME! This was truly worth the wait. Now come here, you asinine beast.
Both of you have GOT to express your love somewhere else (disapproving stare, like that of a parent).
Congratulations on your impending nuptials, EmiLuke & BrattoniLoca !
And another case of Olsenitis (also known as Lohanaphyria) is cured... but that cure doesn't take effect here for another year. Oh well, at least we can write good parodies about it. Or, at least, Jake can.
"I slept with the Olsen twins before they were famous."
"Ice leapt from the Cold-Sin Twins before Jaker laid us."
What, Jake, were you in the next bed over in the maternity ward?
YO I'M OUTTA HERE GOODBYE & ILL LET U CRY 1 MORE TIME.
(luv contest '06) i think we have a winner here (havne't read 'em all yet). This was cool, and sick in a Zappa-circa-200 Motels way, and seemed so true to life (though we know it wasn't :) ). 555 more for JAR(LB).
(Amiright in Love Contest 2006) EXCELLENT PARODY, LUKE! This line just busted me up.."*silhouetted hand reaches out at 11:58pm, is slapped by government official in the back seat*" Higher than fives.
(LUVCOMP) I'm thinking either Luke did his research and found at the age limit in USA, or 17's the limit in his home country: Australia. Well done, Luke.
I could see Justin Timberlake that Half Time Pervert... I loved the ending!!!! 5-5-5!!!
(LUV) see above - there are just so many funny ideas and lines in this thing - AND it elicited a marriage proposal - those achievements are hard to beat, Lukey
(LUVCOMP) See above, you two hormone cases, you! ;-)
Lovin' it 555
(luvcomp) Luke, you dirty, dirty, boy. But also, a very clever but dirty boy. Great parody
LOVE...well if that isn't the most romantic tidbit I've read all night, then I don't know what is.
(SOTM) Funny stuff!
Oops, LUV
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