My old dog walks a bit askew
Don't fetch her ball like she used to do
Since she came back from the woods
Chasing cats out the neighbourhood
Now we can hear her growl at night
There's slobber too, and it don't seem right
All our foyer's drooled and chewed
'Cept the deuce in my Nike shoes

My old dog ate the crotch of Ken
But Barbie's hair came up a hairball again
Shepherd's Pie, it ain't coming back
She gulped the whole thing behind our backs
Up the stairs we sometimes find
A business card she's dropped behind
'Spensive dog food makes her spew
Green and runny a day or two

Since she came back from the woods
She's rabid with the whole neighbourhood
My In-Law-Ma came late one night
She left in pieces in pale moon light
All's forgiven, out of view
My old dog had the bitch subdued