There's a story that my daddy tells drunkenly
Like a wino when he hears a bottle opening
Starts a conversation about the way he used to drink
Well I'd just roll my eyes because I know just what’s in store
Yup, he always winds up cross-eyed, just mumbling on the floor
Drinking up too much beer
Man, he’s never clear

It was harder shots and longer necks
Five drinks would get you good, hot sex
Sugarcane-made rum and a farmer’s tan
'Course that was back before beer-cans
Yeah, your uncle and I were the best of friends
Shootin’ old bud cans off that there fence
’Course, He’s broke now, and he can’t pay his rent
I'd always break right in and say...

That's nothing to be proud of!
That's a life you completely wasted
That's the gin-soaked days, until you fell down
A gut so big, a belly so round
Like a small town drunk a-drinkin'
Daddy, what the hell ya thinkin’?
‘Cause the tales told about that beer you love
That's nothing to be proud of!

So I'm graduatin' college, made the football team
But I was on my way to anywhere else when I turned 18
Cuz when you got a good job, you think you've got everything
I learned quick that bottled water ain't high on taste
I ended up drinkin’ down some brews out in L.A.
Watching maximum drinkers…with minimal brains
Well, I asked for more, next thing I know
The waitress came with some Cuervo
I sure did like that first big shot
Yeah, it’s swallowed quick but it gets you hot
Dad, I’m seeing how you kept on falling down
Because the room is spinning round
Well, I finished my drinks…and then I passed out
So, THAT’S what he’s talkin’ about!

That's nothing to be proud of!
That's a night I completely wasted
You don't need to drink the top shelf
Just be thankful to be drinkin'
If you drank more than you're able
You will pass out on the table
And you find what your daddy’s speakin’ of
Is nothing to be proud of

And tomorrow when you wake up by the garbage can
Well, you did it man!

That's nothing to be proud of!
That's a life you completely wasted
That's the gin-soaked days, your wasted nights
Drunken sex, big bar fights
Like a small town drunk a-drinkin'
Now I know what you were thinkin’!
‘Cause the tales told about that beer WE love
That's nothing to be proud of!
That's nothing to be proud of!
Yeah, that's nothing to be proud of!
That's nothing to be proud of!
Now that's nothing to be proud of!