I used to pride myself on being a handsome man
But now there's zits threatening my fantastic image, man
They're just all over, man, and all these creams, they do nothin'
And they frickin' hurt, why must I have this sufferin'
Man, I swear I just woke up, and I discovered that I had new friends
All these zits, swollen, yellow and disgustin'
Can't by my fault, my man, my room cannot be infected
I ain't pointin' fingers but did you bring in some pathogen?
Think you'd be best goin', may think I'm pickin' on ya
If it turns out I'm wrong, you will come help me, won't ya?
This sucks truly, man I thought I gave a message to ya
Get the hell out my room, in case this case can be blamed on ya
Bud

When I fell asleep, my face was perfect
When I woke, it was a pimple carpet
My description makes no sense, let's see ya
Do it better

Won't you take a good look at me (it hurts)
Pimples all over my face
Won't you go to the shops and get some creams
And maybe some more will work
I'll be in here all day (all day)

Well, I'm in pain, lots of pain, physical pain, that's right
This shouldn't happen, especially not overnight
Did I just not look in the mirror the last few nights?
Swear I look ev'ry night, my memory must have failed this time
I shouldn't have a problem fixing this up
I have had 99 problems, but a zit wasn't one
Now get this: someone must be behind this (weird) attempt to wreck my image (der)
Must be some git that must of my good looks be jealous

They're jealous (they must be jealous)
They're jealous (totally jealous)
And who wouldn't be jealous?
So jealous (looks makes 'em jealous)
But now it's (and now it's)
Come at a horr'ble price, shit

When I fell asleep, my face was perfect
Now it's covered with zits like a something
My descriptions need workin', but I swear
I'll do better

Won't you take a good look at me (it hurts)
Zits all over my face
What kind of crazy man would do this thing?
They're jealous, I'm more handsome
Hope this won't take all day (all day)

What is happenin'?
Feels like a long time, since I last wasn't handsome
Which was never
And I may sound like a stuck up twit to you, that's cause
I am, and yes I will admit it
Face looks like it's been pecked by birds
This will wreck my rep with the birds
And ev'ry time I speak it hurts, it's true, good Lord it's sore
I can't pop any of these zits
Why? Well, 'cause it'd get pus on my perfect digits

When I fell asleep, my face was perfect
Now there's zits all over, and I'm speechless
My descriptions won't help things, that I swear
Can't do that well

Won't you take a good look at me (it hurts)
Zits all over my face
What a thing to happen when I'm thirteen
Well, at least as of today
I'll be in here all day (all day)

I'm thirteen (I'm only thirteen)
I'm thirteen (just friggin' thirteen)
This can't just be puberty
Turned thirteen (I just turned thirteen)
This morning (this mornin')
Don't happen overnight, see

They're jealous (they must be jealous)
They're jealous (totally jealous)
And who wouldn't be jealous?
So jealous (looks makes 'em jealous)
But now it's (and now it's)
Come at a horr'ble price, shit

When I fell asleep, my face was perfect
Now there's zits like a big zit-covered thing
My descriptions need workin', but I swear
I'll do better

When I fell asleep, my face was perfect
Now there's zits like a field of old pumpkins
Toldja my descriptions would get better