Hey there Delilah
I'm in jail in New York City
I've got 5 to 7 years
And these guys don't look too pretty
No, they don't
Just hope that I don't drop the soap
Don't drop the soap

Hey there Delilah
Though, you'd have to keep your distance
Would you come to visit every day
Must I use so much persistance?!
This is true...
I'd rather have butt-sex with you
Wait, Vinny too

Oh, it's what they do to me,
Oh, it's what they do to me...
Oh, it's what they do to me,
Oh, it's what they do to me
What they do to me...

Hey there Delilah
Well, his Woo-Hoo gets so hard
And as the days go by
My butt (and mind) becomes extremely scarred
It's not my fault
I am a victim of assault
Butt-Sex assault

Hey there Delilah
Is there all that much to say?
I wish that I was back at home, with you.
And all these guys will pay
For what they did
To me at night time in their beds
I'll have their heads

This is gross, don't you agree?
This is gross, don't you agree?
This is gross, don't you agree?
This is gross, don't you agree?
I hope that you agree...

And then once I get out of here
I'll convice them all I'm not a queer
I'd much prefer hot women over men
It's really all a big nightmare
But I'm not gay; so do I care,
If guys try to impress me with the bum
I hope that I do not regret
Beating a guy that had Tourette's
That's how I wound up here in the first place
Got sprayed with mace

Hey there Delilah
There's just one more thing to tell you
The next statement coming from my mouth
is shocking, but none-the-less true
I'm diseased
With nothing but some STD's
From all that sex with inmates..please!
Just say that you will stay with me
Don't make me plead

Although I've got STD's
and possibly HIV
It's only an STD
and possibly HIV
Well, it sucks to be me