iPhone (Ahhh)
Droid (Ahhh)
Oh, Whip it out for texting or chat with your Skype and Facetime with this mobile sucker (So handy)
Verizon phones (Uhhh)
T-Mobile phones (Calls)
Let me talk to ya with my cell phone
Cause landlines are an irritation… Listen (cordless)

Your rotary phone’s squat
You can’t take it with you when you go out on a jog (Can you hear me?)
These things are not simple so many tools it touts
Camera to snap pics
Fishing rod to catch trout (Fat chance)
Behold its glory; Find a cure to cancer with it
Screen’s large, mighty thin, watch Netflix with it (Full movies)
Stranded on a island you will be saved
And when you slumber
That alarm will make sure you're awake

I know you like mine (I know you like mine)
Your phone is huge (Your phone is huge)
Gives you a tumor, weighs twenty pounds
Straight from ’82
It’s my iPhone 6 (it’s my iPhone 6)
And I’ve got Siri (and I’ve got Siri)
While you’re bored out of your mind
I can play Angry Birds with ease (games)

Don’t cha wish your cell phone was sweet as mine?
Don’t cha wish your cell phone had those apps like mine?
Don’t cha
Don’t cha
Don’t cha wish your cell phone was small as mine?
Don’t cha wish your cell phone could go online?
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

High pitched squealing (high pitched squealing)
Comes from your phone (comes from your phone)
I heard you say “What?”
You can’t hear stuff since your reception blows
You’re green with envy (you’re green with envy)
Checked into Foursquare (checked into Foursquare)
And your screen glare
Is so bright you’re going blind and you’ll swear

Oooooooh….

Don’t cha wish your cell phone could blog like mine?
Don’t cha wish your cell phone was as sleek as mine? (as mine)
Don’t cha
(Don’t cha buddy?)
Don’t cha
(It bites, Dinged)
Don’t cha wish your cell phone was awed as mine? (awed)
Don’t cha wish your cell phone could stun like mine? (so stunned)
Don’t cha
Don’t cha

[Guy with the crappy phone]
Ok, I see how y’all looking down (Bourgeois)
Even babies who still like to suck their thumbs have these things (cell phones)
Not looking and walk into shit
On Facebook or glued to Tinder they’re checking out chicks
If the god almighty was in front of you
You dorks are gonna miss it starring at your Pinterest
Frying your eyeballs and your thumbs are the fittest
I don’t gaze at that screen and I think it’s pretty foolish
You wanna pound on that Candy Crush then pound on
I’ll swim a channel
And go and climb a mountain
Don’t need a phone that has Clue or can slice limes
Got the board game and a knife for that
It’s the very reason why our planet’s going down the john
From dusk until dawn you’re reading Cracked and the Onion
It’s not awkward, I have a giant phone that flips
Making calls instead cause it’s hard to text in my grip
You keep telling me my phone’s a bore
And I should grab a new one at the Apple Store

You think your cell’s cute (you think your cell’s cute)
Small as your hand (small as your hand)
While I need to heave mine up on my shoulder
And this antenna scans
You can change your chimes (you can change your chimes)
Mine just rings (mine just rings)
Don’t depend on trends
Motorola’s fine with me

Don’t care if my cell phone is huge as hell
Don’t care if my cell phone spills out some strange smells
Don’t care
(Don’t care buddy)
Don’t care
(It bites, Dinged)
Don’t care if my cell phone is an antique (Old)
Don’t care if my cell phone turned my skin green (bright green)
Don’t care
Don’t care