Could you please let me know
When your birthday party date is, dude?
Cause I don't know it, see
Afraid that it's too hard
To recall deets, right
Brain often acts the sieve, it's true
Some others have techniques
Those people both suck and blow
Claim somethin' they found at the store
Lets them never forget things anymore

How the hell do they recall
All the stuff? It's total balls
What they say is lies, no way can that technique be right
Occam's Razor? Blow it out
Of your rear because I doubt
That their stupid, crappy calendar holds all they know

It can't be how they know
All upcomin' things, just cause they write
"Steve's Birthday is Today!!1" neat
How does that stay in their head?
If I wrote down things, my dumb brain
Would forget it once I looked away

Must be somethin' else installed
In their heads to then recall
All the notes and holidays and really close deadlines
Cause the act of writin' down
To remember makes me frown
I refuse to hand the calendar some praise, none's owed

I know that I cause you headaches and strain
Late to come over, brain leaked again
It leaked again
Could you please let me know
How it works for those non-prats like you?
One piece of paper, geez
You've told me it's not hard

I can't understand at all
How your schedule never falls
Just because you write a phrase on your wall-log, not right
Ev'ry time I write things down
In one click, it all slips out
How the hell do asshole calendars work for you, though (though)?
Self-improvement progress: stalled (ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Cause I lack this on my wall (ooh-ooh, can't be true, no)?
Sorry, but that sounds insane if not a big ol' lie (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, no, no, that really blows)
It's a thing I can't work out (ooh-ooh, no, ooh-ooh)
Wait a sec, what is that sound (ooh-ooh, that bleeps like so)?
Alert from your blasted calendar that's on your phone (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)?
How could I have made that call (ooh-ooh)?
You just came back from the mall (ooh-ooh)
And for once I thought my brain made one connection right (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I feel like a doofus now (an utter dope)