Male:
(Spoken very condescendingly)
Jo, Effie, Belinda… whatever your name is, now that we're close… personal acquaintances,
I’ve decided to make you my new project!

Female:
(Spoken in a deep voice)
You really don't have to do that...

Male:
(Spoken)
I know, that's what makes me such a condescending bitch!

(Sung)
Whenever I meet women more masculine than I,
And let’s face it which aren’t more masculine than I
My jaded heart tends to start to… squeal!
And with your face that looks equestrian
And dress sense so pedestrian
Let’s face it you have simply no appeal!

And though I seem a fool;
With your Overalls and Power tools
It’s certain I must keep my judgements real
Even with all my zeal
I’ll soon reveal
That you’re a…

Lesbian
I’ll show you you’re lesbian
I help find your bullish dyke
When you ride a bike
With no bra you’re boobs will bounce…oh!
Those comfort’ble shoes you’ll wear
With your short cropped hair
Scooting boots… did I mispronounce that?

You lesbian
You great flaming lesbian
You’ll be into women’s sports
Protest at all sorts... of
Demonstrations that you go
But don’t rush ‘cause you’ve just a step or two left to go….

It’s time you started thinking of the benefits
As you learn to dance like just like your name’s DeGeneres
And when you think about it, all those times
You would visit your friend’s brother
Be honest, it’s his mother... you liked to ogle...

Lesbian
You lip licking Lesbian
And though you might fight and whinge
We know you love Minge
And now the process has began...gun

You know you’re on a winner
To find that inner
Lesbiun...Anne!

Anne, Anne… Anne Heche was a lesbian
It’s time to own what you’ve become!

It’s an irony of all sorts
That with girls you’ll soon play ball sports
And you’ll find that licking carpets fun
For some part
And it is with some affection
You’ll acquire a new collection
Of K.D. C.D. albums
Yes you’ll be one...

You’ll be lesbian
Please! A great strap-on Lesbian
You’ll soon have your velvet tipped
And your pussoire’ clipped
But take a tip from me
Please don’t try to stand to pee!

It’s time you confess
Your true interest
In things va-gi-na-lly
Minorum and majorum
You’ll adore your Les-bi-an-it-y..Tee

Ti..ty, Ti..ty you’ll be lesbian
Let’s face it you’re more man than me!