I've a problem, got a problem
A big problem, such a problem
Too much goes into my big hoard

It's so wrong
Come on

I collect so much crap and just leave it in piles, piles
Ev'ry day I damn near clear ev'ry shopping ai-ai-ai-ai-aisle
Is it an addiction or too much cash to dispose?
Either way my hoard ain't too pleasant on the nose
Look at all my boxes of Ramen, much Ramen
I've forgotten, what the hell type is my floor, tiled or boarded floors?
Keep receipts and coupouns inside one of my many drawers of shit
It's strainin' to its-its limit, its limit, its limit

I just like to keep my stuff, though ditchin' it seems wise
Just can't bear to lose my hoard, since all of it is mine
I know that keeping it is stupid
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me
I'd lose my mind if I lose it
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me

Might've started as a hobby, now my lobby is filled with crap
Can't open the door to my attic, if I did, I'd drown, ma-a-an
At least I don't hoard CDs, I just download ev'ry track
But films are another bag of worms, even films that are bad
Used to keep things stored away in closets and things like that
But I ran out of room and now I got Coke can sta-a-acks
Hoarded closets for a bit but it just felt too weird, man
I do have standards though I know it may not look like I can

Got enormous piles of stuff, skateboards and broken kites
Once a room's full, board the door, all the cracks get sealed tight
My brain's always stuck on "hoardy"
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me
Got ten piles of socks, oh lordy
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me

Be careful walking, I've see-seen lots of rats and cockroaches here
Could be the pizza boxes or the piles of empty cans of beer
I've gotten really good at swatting all of the flies in the air
Hoard them too cause we've established that 'bout hygiene I don't care
If you thi-think this is bad, it is but wait 'til you hear this tidbi-i-it
I've moved a couple times since I developed this habit
One house to the left each time, I don't wanna be too far away
From my vast collection of crap, I might be weird, what do you say?

How can I afford this stuff, wish I could explain why
Credit receipts are in drawers, ain't seen my card declined
My habit still gets fed, buddy
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me
Though that smell is getting funky
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me

Uh, must hoard ev'rything
Uh, keep hold of my things
Uh, can't give away things
Uh, won't sell anything
Uh, I hoard ev'rything
Uh, from really small things
Uh, to kinda big things
Uh, must have ev'rything

Yes, I'm wearin' nose plugs, here's a pair for you, right
Hoard old dishes by the score, cleaning wouldn't be right
Though I hoard detergent, buddy
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me
I don't use my hoarded booty
Must keep it with me, keep it with me, keep it with me

That's my hoarding story, bud, think I told it real nice
What's that cam'ra crew there for? I'm on Hoarders tonight?
Gave no permission there, buddy
How dare you trick me, dare you trick me, dare you trick me
Think I'll hoard your footage, dummy
How dare you trick me, dare you trick me, dare you trick me