I hit windmills, I hit lamp posts
Golf carts, and most broke
An' I hit caddies, I hit hit golfers
I hit thirsty drink vedors
And the girls come here dressed like they are from Mars
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't hit par

I hit sand traps, and I hit bunkers
Broke some golfing tools, those junkers
An' snapped some putters, spent some overnighters
Got no birdies, or sports writers
And the old gezers talk about their back sores
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't hit par

I can't hit par
It's not my pace
Just walk onto the front course
Brings bad luck to my case
It just too hard, the hole's too far
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't hit par

I've hit water squirts, I broke some necks
I show no poise, like rednecks
An' I hit mothers, I hit bookers
I've even hit some runnin' squirells, and waters
And we like to clean our balls to get rid of tar
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't hit par, no I can't

I'm just a schmuck (I'm just a schmuck)
I got no girlfriend (I got no girlfriend)
I eat some TV dinners;
And watch Playboy now and then

But I can't hit par
It's not my pace
Just getting it into the forest
Brings a big smile to my face
No score too large, the hole's too far
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't hit par
Mm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
I can't ever hit par