I barely remember
How it was back before, his threat was potent
He was spooky at the time, but now?
I just roll my eyes

No longer a mystery
No longer makes my pants wet
Now he's just a pest

A cross is made, cross is made easily
That spooky castle there? Nobody dares enter in
Not afraid, not afraid 'cause you see
My smartphone's flashlight puts the brakes on his intrusions

Won't cry

Gets defeated so easily
Gets defeated, don't give a shit
When he's back, such nuisance

He won't be, he won't be drinkin' me
His dumb ass can't come in without an invitation
He won't be, he won't be turnin' me
Or anyone, restrainin' order for the nation

He pops 'round to spread the fear of Dracula
Hissin', opened mouth to show those fangs of his
After ten deaths, we've become accustomed
To the smell of garlic sauce in water pistols
Yes, garlic sauce in water pistols

Nobody's losin' sleep, he's wastin' his own immortality
In fact, I just now remembered:
You wanna sign this "force a moat on him" petition?