I gotta crazy little story
Well, not crazy but it's weird
Well, not that weird, though
Okay, I'm stallin'
It's weird to me, right?
Okay, I'll get started
Here goes

So yeah, I'm tryin' to relax, here on my old couch on this borin' night
Feck all on TV, nothin' to read and the 'net is dead, right
I decide to go to bed, hope tomorrow will be more fun
Before I can get up, I spy something moving in my rug

Rub sleep out my eyes
But then to my big surprise
Wasn't my blurred vision, really saw something move
It looks more like somethings, plural, now I think
That I've got a bit of an infestation, man

I think I've got bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug
A whole bunch of bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug, yeah

Eff this, where'd I put that phone book dealie, this is so not cool
Cuz the rug is all a-wrigglin', does that sound normal to you?
I didn't think so, so now there's one thing that's on my mind
Call the bug exterminator 'fore this goes Them! just without the huge size

Bugs of unknown kind
Are in my carpet tonight
I call it that when the pacing requires it, dude
I don't know if rugs and carpets, are two different things
Doesn't matter when it could be eating you up soon

I got lots of bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug
I got lots of bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug
I got lots of bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug
I got lots of bugs in my rug
In my rug
In my rug
In my rug, yeah

Exterminator:
I'm what you want, I'm what you need
I got the traps, but I'm not free
Cuz I need lots of green somewhere in the hundreds, see?
If you want the buggers killed, you gon' soon be payin' me
I'll be there in a minute, G, but first we will discuss my fee
And every minute that you complain, those bugs in your rug will breed
About ten thousand bugs, like a movie, yeah rated R
That's my estimate, dawg, based on your crazed description of*
The writhing, shaking rug full of bugs, that right, bud. are my facts wrong?
Now I'm in your street, has your house got the lights on?
Pulled up now, gonna hang up, out the car, at your door
I can hear you in the front room, but it's really squeaky though

Back to me:
That's not me talking, you prick, even though right now it is
The squeaking's the bugs, buddy, it sounds like they are chanting
Now there's lots of smoke in here, it's all blood-red, and, I swear
There's something in it that's coming out
And it looks like it's hungry (repeat 'hungry')

Ooooh, all these bugs, on the floor
What did they summon?

Those bugs summoned one giant bug
Giant bug
Devil bug
Demon bug
One fucking ugly, monstrous bug
What a bug
Hungry bug
We're so fucked, yeah

(Crazed gibbering and screaming ensues)