Defining Gravity by Jeff “Dr Chordate” Moran

Isaac, why couldn’t you have stayed at home for once?
Instead of napping in the apple orchard?

I hope you’re blissful, and not hitting the bottle.
I hope you’re blissful how you’ve destroyed Aristotle.
I hope you think you’re a lever.

I hope you’re blissful. I hope you’re full of bliss.
I hope you’re proud how when that apple hit your cranium,
(It’s not made of titanium) and you figured gravity all out somehow.
I hope you’re blissful now.

Isaac, hear me out. Aristotle said that
Objects fall towards the earth because the earth’s the center of the universe.
And we know that’s true, for . . .. (I know.)
But that’s not correct, and I can’t say that anymore.

Something has changed in physics. Physics is not the same.
I’m through playing by the rules of Aristotle’s game.
I’ve got a new perspective. I’ve got a new formula.
It’s time to let the world know a new hyperbola.

It’s time to try defining gravity. I’m gonna be defining gravity.
It makes everything fall down.
Can’t I make you understand. It’s gonna be so grandiose.

I’m through accepting limits imposed by Aristotle.
The Law of Universal Gravitation is now at the throttle.
And Isaac Newton’s name will acquire much fame.
And science as we know it will never be the same.

Yes, I’m good at defining gravity. In the neighborhood, I’m defining gravity.
Everything with mass attracted, just think of what it means.

Fundamental. Fundamental interaction.
Gravity’s the weakest fundamental interaction of them all.
But responsible for the universe we see.

Isaac and me, defining gravity. And Einstein, maybe, defining gravity.
All mass is attracted, together you see.


I hope you’re blissful, now you’ve explained gravity.
I hope it brings a kiss.
I really hope you get it,
And don’t live to regret it.
I hope you’re blissful in the end.
I hope you’re blissful, my friend.

So, if you care for science, become a physicist
As de Grasse Tyson recently said, “Everyone deserves some bliss.
And when your experimenting works, you’ll get commendation perks.
And to those who don’t believe you, take a message back like this:

Tell them how to define gravity. I’m flying high, defining gravity.
And soon I’ll match Isaac in renown. And no Nobel laureate,
Or professoriate is ever gonna bring me down.

I hope you’re happy. (There he is! He’s a scientist!)
Don’t bring me down! (No one knows a scientist. So we’ve got to bring him . . . down.)