You cannot act, face it, bud, you just frown
All you bring to this role's your physique
Mr. Slab O' Beef
You can't hack this "depth" stuff, just walk 'round
Never think to smile or laugh, so weak (I'm afraid so)
I'm afraid so
Your jaw's so slack, you just grunt your lines out
Hard to see how you still get work, geez
Mr. Slab O' Beef
Makes me mad, I looked up your pay, wow
A crazy eight-figure salary
Mr. Slab O' Beef

Oh-oh-oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah

Mr. Slab O' Beef
Mr. Slab O' Beef

No Stallone, boy, believe me, you lack his charm, act more, please
No Arnold, boy, can't fool me, you've no personality
No Willis, boy, believe me, lead or small part, can't act, geez
No Lundgren, boy, can't fool me, not even Va-an Damme, plea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ease

You cannot act, fess it up, don't drag out
Your dim plea that you love this job, please
Mr. Slab O' Beef
It's all crap, if you loved it, then, wow
It's discreet, there's no ham and no cheese

Oh-oh-oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah
Oh-oh, jerk, mmm yeah-eah, mmm yeah-eah, mmm-mmm yeah-eah

You cannot act, face is dull like a cow
Look, I've seen better from Keanu Reeves
Mr. Slab O' Beef
Kinda sad that your hunky physique
Fills the screen but it's not worth it, please
You cannot act, you should just turn roles down
Mr. Slab O' Beef
You cannot act, stick to punchin' thieves out
Mr. Slab O' Beef