Frodo come, we must go
What is wrong with you?
Just take that Ring of Pow’r
Melt it into goo
Fling it down, in the middle
Of that abyss
It’ll be wide open
That’s what I’m hopin’

Say you’re feeling bad and that’s really very sad
But Gandalf might get mad with you
You promised that you would destroy this ring for good
And… that’s what you’ve got to do -

So I’ll offer some aid to you
Be a loyal com-rade to you
And when you have a One-Ring-Attack
I’ll even carry you on my back …ohhh!
Though that thing has caused you pain
And it’s doing things to your brain
If we don’t try Mister Frodo –
This quest is down the drain!

Yeah yeah yeah yeah….

That bad Crack of Doom
Big pain in the bum
It’s the cause of all the trouble ‘cos it’s where the Ring came from
Mad Sauron, bad Sauron
Got to nail this guy
Yeah let’s melt down his bling, it will be one in his eye

I stayed right behind you but only now to find
It seems you’ve changed your mind, what the hell..?
This can’t get more perverse – oh wait, it’s getting worse, ‘cos
Gollum’s turned up as well!

I must offer some aid to you
‘Cos I’m sure Gollum hated you
Why did you just put the Ring back on?
Now I can’t see where the hell you’ve gone! Noooo!
I can tell he’s slapped you ‘round
But you’re standing on shaky ground
Oh now you’re back and you’re screaming
I guess the ring’s been found…

Looks like Gollum stole your digit
Oooh, he took it as an entrée!
But he’s a stupid little midget
‘Cos he’s fallen… off and… now he will flambé!

So once again I’ll offer some aid to you
We’ve done what we were made to do
But now our chance to escape’s in doubt
Because no-one figured that bit out… dohhhh!
Think we’ll just lie on this hill
Master Frodo you look quite ill
Both gonna die right here maybe
So might as well just chill…

Well we will be well-famed…
When we have both been flamed…
Oh, that really is a shame…
Yeah, that’s so lame…