You may think that you're light, but there's no core to that so-called truth
Look, buddy, I don't think I can carry you
Can lift my TV alright, throw my fridge up to the roof
Well, not really, but I'd still fail to carry you

If I ever dared to grapple with this tub of lard that I know
My knees will go
Break right off, jerk
Don't want 'em to snap, kinda need 'em both to stand up like so
Run to and fro
So just stop, jerk
I've said no, no, no, no, no
You don't care, care, care, care, care
It's no joke, joke, joke, joke, joke
Won't be steady, you're too heavy

Don't you tell me that you're lithe, I've seen the gore from your last meal, dude
Look, buddy, I know that I can't carry you
You've had too many damn pies and other assorted foods
Can't convince me that I could lift and carry you, oh

Even if bells ring cause the fire's rising with fumes
I couldn't lift up you
And your bulk, jerk
Hard to raise up anybody caked up like you
Not gamma-infused
Like the Hulk, jerk
I've said no, no, no, no, no
You don't care, care, care, care, care
Still no joke, joke, joke, joke, joke
Can't be steady when you're heavy

I'm sick of hearin' your lies like "I've been on this great diet, dude"
Look, buddy, won't matter, still can't carry you
May have cut down on the fries, but you still ate all my jubes
You're fat, buddy, which means that I can't carry you

May want me to
But I'd fall down, buddy
I'd fall right down, buddy, buddy
Break my back, dude
So cut it out, buddy
Cut it right out, buddy, buddy
Oh

If you were half the size that you are now, I'd be happy to
True, buddy, I'd really love to carry you
But I'm a fan of my spine, I want it intact, don't you?
For now, buddy, it's not able to carry you