You read fics, read fanfics lots onli-ine
Not all total shit with Mary Sues all the ti-ime
Oblivious to one key fact here, it's true-ue
That's all of the-em don't matter much, dude, dude, dude

Means jack all to the main story line
I'm afraid that's not canon, none of it's canon, you know that, right?
Sure you would li-ike that one dude to not die-ie
I'm afraid it's still canon, those fics ain't canon, they won't align, don't even try
Won't fit in right, right, right
Not true, all lies, lies, lies-lies-lies, bro

Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin' wrong with love for the fanfic lot
But keep it in your brain: they don't affect squat
The-th-th-the mood's still goofy, bad guys won't cruelly
Dismember the one dude you don't like, stupid
Just to free hi-his girl Lucy
To shag your fav'rite character she shut down "rudely", d-d-d-dude, please
You're a piece of work, she was not that harsh
Might've been in your mind, hence you're not in charge

All that stuff that you're readin' online
I'm afraid that's not canon, none of it's canon, you know that, right?
I know you'd li-ike that dude to hump her thi-igh
Sorry, pal, it's not canon, those fics ain't canon, they can't align, don't even try
Won't slot in right, right, right
Will make it shite, shite, shite, shite, shite

Not in continuity
You can't convince me (most of it won't ali-i-ign)
I know this shit, please
Your headcanon can't be (I can think, see-ee)
Your headcanon won't be (no-ope)
Your headcanon's hist'ry (it's dead no-ow)
Your headcanon's dead, please (so dead no-ow)
Just shut up

Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin' really wrong with the fanfic stuff
But just remember, mate: it's non-canon stuff
Hea-h-h-headcanon? Groovy, but what's real loony
Is citin' them in flame wars online, stupid
They're not real e-entries, newbie
Cause the timeline doesn't need help gettin' more screwy, d-d-d-dude, please
Callin' me a jerk, don't think it's too harsh
To tell you that your lies make this all a farce
Ain't canon, right