I'm here in potions class
Snape's a big pain in the ass
Mixed bloodshot eye of newt
With a buttload of grass
Sick of my teacher's complaints
Said "The smell will strip the paint"
And everything is strange here in potions class

Whatta mess!
My cauldron splattered lava!
So distressed!
Attacked by killer pasta!
Now I'm stressed!
Whacked since I'm a piñata!
Bombed this test!
The time I failed alchemy!

{Gibberish Incantations}

Curse calls for pounds of butter
And the sphincter of a mouse
Sounds like the muggle Paula Deen
Is in a Hogwarts house ("Burp!")
I'm not Harry or Ron
In fact, By them I'm shunned
A Ravenclaw reject here in potions class

Whatta mess!
One sip and you'll be slaughtered!
Far from blessed!
Made Dumbledor a toddler!
Don't digest!
My toxic cherry cobbler!
Such a pest!
The time I failed alchemy!

I'm even mocked by Neville
They won't cut me a break
Since I am such a dunce
I wrecked Frosted Flakes
Poured that into my black pot
And poisoned the whole town (*Thud*)
Looking worse than Voldemort in potions class!

Whatta mess!
Students are going gaga!
Wrecked this hex!
Turned into an iguana!
Huge hot breasts!
A reptile Madonna!
Now I'm vexed!
The time I failed alchemy!

{More Gibberish Incantations}

{Even More Gibberish Incantations}

Whatta mess!
My skin turned into rubber!
Don't digest!
My grades are in the gutter!
Not impressed!
Don't lick my noxious sucker!
So distressed!
The time I failed alchemy!

Whatta mess!
I'm burnt by my saliva!
Far from blessed!
My junk's now a vagina!
Flunked this test!
It blasted off to China!
Such a pest!
The time I failed alchemy!

Whatta mess!
The time I failed alchemy!!!
Whatta mess!
The time I failed alchemy!!!