I don't recognise myself in the mirror, on
reflection, nor photos
Used to move here, there 'n' every frickin' where
Movin' fast, but now I move slow

I must be harder to kidnap, so sorry to turn cr@p
Your plan ain't gettin' me off the ground
Take my hand cos, I'm Van the Man, it's no joke when
they don't give up the chase (they're chubby chasin' me)

Girl, you know I want your lunch
Your lunch is handmade for somebody like me
Didn't think I was obese
Just under height by two foot, three

Who's that? think I've scoffed too much
Grab on my waist & pinch more than an inch ...me?
On the wall, mirror, who's he?
Who, on the wall, mirror ...it's me!

I'm in shock at the shape of you
I huff & puff up the stairs, I do
I think my heart is failing, too
I'm in shock at my body

Goin' footy with Ed's a trial
Through the turnstiles your hips don't lie
Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at my body

(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at the shape of you

I bend down (to tie my shoe) there's a sound
I can't explain, so I stand up straight
Cos I'm over fifty & like all you can eat
Guess Little Mix wouldn't let me in, eh?

You talk for hours & hours about your will & your power
Although my will power is tested by cake
So no more gettin' in taxis, & crisps in the backseat
Tell the driver "chubby chasers; away!" (cos they're chasin' me)

Girl, you know I want your lunch
Your lunch is handmade for somebody like me
Didn't think I was obese
Just under height by two foot, three

Who's that? think I've scoffed too much
Grab on my waist & pinch more than an inch ...me?
On the wall, mirror, who's he?
Who, on the wall, mirror ...it's me!

I'm in shock at the shape of you
I huff & puff up the stairs, I do
I think my heart is failing, too
I'm in shock at my body

Goin' footy with Ed's a trial
Through the turnstiles your hips don't lie
Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at my body

(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
(Oh-I-oh-I-oh-I-oh-I)
I'm in shock at my body
Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at the shape of you

Chippy, you're my favourite, come on
& pie, you're my favourite, come on
Pizza, you're my favourite, come on
Dinner, you're my favourite, come on

Puddin', you're my favourite, come on
Star Bar, you're my favourite, come on
Biscuits, you're my favourite, come on
Gateau, you're my favourite, come on

I'm in shock at the shape of you
I huff & puff up the stairs, I do
I think my heart is failing, too
I'm in shock at my body

Goin' footy with Ed's a trial
Through the turnstiles your hips don't lie
Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at my body

Chippy, you're my favourite, come on
Pizza, you're my favourite (I'm in shock at my body), come on
Dinner, you're my favourite, come on
Puddin', you're my favourite (I'm in shock at my body), come on
Biscuits, you're my favourite, come on
Gateau, you're my favourite (I'm in shock at my body), come on

Everyday the mirror says it's really you
I'm in shock at the shape of you