Friends talk 'bout The Doctor, goes over my head
Argue 'bout Moffat's choices, was Rose loved by Ten?
You try to convice me to watch the full length
Of the show, well, maybe, yeah, I'm kinda lazy

Not sayin' it's lame, in fact the concept is real neat
Cause, hell, 'bout anything goes, it seems
Creatures made of grease? Called Adipose, so cutesy
Things you kill by lookin' at 'em? Silence, spooky
Weeping Angels that look like statues, sneak up on you, okay
You say that the Statue of Liberty's one? Crazy
That's a doozy, this show gets confusing
But all The Doc wants to do, see, is make free galaxies
There's mad things, bad things eatin' humans like candy (wooh!)
Written high on weed? Could be
That ep with the Vervoids in it, I'd bet on it
Hoo-ha-faces, what in the frick?
I'm mixin' up the old series with the new, call me a twit
I'm a newbie, bare with me, blink when you squee
Want me watchin'? Need somethin' to hook me
Not as kind to weird things as you'd think
Cause I

I don't know The Doctor as well as you, friend
Pissed off with Russell's choices, the way he killed Ten
My eyes are still glazed, please, your terms I don't get
Explain all this nonsense, like how big's the TARDIS

Inside's too bi-ug
How's it that bi-ig?

The Ood? I think I've heard of it, all I know's what my bro told me
There's lots of oddness when you ponder it
Like the piece of paper that makes ID out of nowhere
That shit is ponderous, sometimes I wonder where his wand came from
"Wand? Stupid prick, not what that is
No, it's called a sonic screwdriver, it does wonders"
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoopty-doo
How was I to know it was a screwdriver?
Really misleading nomenclature
Does The Doctor practice medicine?
If he doesn't, why is he called The Doctor?
"He picked it for himself" backstory bullshit
That's one of the things that has been stoppin' me from watchin' all of it
The BBC's cash cow franchise, I get
But how many episodes, that I'm askin'
Hang on, you're searchin' online for the answer, waitin'
Seven hundred ninety-nine, that's a whole lot

Whole lot of The Doctor to catch up on, friend
Should I start from the sixties, with William Hartnell?
Or just the revival with Chris Eccleston?
A tall order, buddy, it could take me months, please

Not up for i-it
A lazy shi-it

I've seen crazy stuff on television
Some are way weirder than this, but that's real stiff competition
Since the sound of drums, they drill the mind
Of The Master, made him a mad prick, oh my
Read new things ev'ry day, like why Col' Baker got sacked
Why Kamelion looked like crap
Why Eleven loves fezzes, it's mad
There's reviews, I've watched 'em
Boy, the fandom really acts like children
Just like ev'ry single friggin' fandom
In a weird way, that's consolin', to that I relate, okay
Gone way back, how the show got off the ground, man
Might make plans that one day I'll say "okay", and watch the damn
Show, when I'm not stuck with these things that I'm watching, so don't make plans
To watch it with me, 'kay, man? Too long, man
So when you get feels from somethin' said by Cap
Jack Harness to his good friend The

The man called The Doctor, I'll just raise my left
Eyebrow, cause it's just nonsense right at the moment
I will watch it, maybe, don't bet on it friend
It could be I'm lazy, could be the show's crazy

Confused by The Doctor, what's his real name, then (not Who, is it?)
And just what's the number of regenerations (the number)
He's got left, cause maybe he's run out of them (could be it)
Would the show end, maybe, then I can go crazy

Watch the whole thi-ing
Could take a bi-it