I tried to catch ya
My hands were sli-ipp'ry
Wanted to dispatch thugs
Fight like a pa-ansy
A fan of crimefighte-ers
But as one, I'm horri-ible
I always get punched, in the face and gut
I guess I suck, I really suck
I'm a bad hero, bu-uddy

Always trippin' on my cape, land smack on my face
A hostage situation? I can't handle the stakes
Fight scenes, I'm flailin' at nothin', try to hit somethin'
Might think I've hit someone's jaw, a brick wall, I'm thumpin'
So to be honest here, don't count on me to save you
Cause half the time I'm cowerin' in a crate, dude
My lack of superpowers wouldn't be a problem, you see
D-Don't have the athletic skill to make up for it, I'm weak
I always try my hardest to stop those villains doin' wrong
They weren't usin' sonic weapons, they just like Celine Dion
Punch people in the face, all it does is bruise my fingers
Can't think of a single villainous scheme that I've hindered
Should quit

My skills are weak, so I feel bleak
Flung through buildings ev'ry da-a-amn week
Layin' in bed, bed where I sleep
Wond'rin': the hell's wrong with me-e-e-e-e-e (I can't figure it out)

I know that I suck
Still try to sa-ave peeps (why?)
So far, I've had no luck (had no luck, no damn luck)
Big heroes ha-ate me
That's exaggerate-ed
Though I'm not tolerated (no-one wants me around)
I can't throw a punch, I can't take a punch
I can't do much, that's how I suck
I'm a bad hero, bu-uddy

Bad, bad hero buddy
When I try h-h-h-heroics, I just hurt
Doesn't help that my costume's made from old shirts
I've never saved anybody, I'm so useless, so damn useless
I should just give up, to real-ass heroes, I'm a nuisance
Tell me why I still do it, push through it
When a sane man would say "screw it"
When the standard reaction I get is "sue 'im!"
Am I just that damn stupid, blind to how I'm useless
I'm not a dashin' hero man, I'm just a doofus
Really tried to hone my skills, but ev'ry time
All my efforts end up fruitless, fruitless, fruitless
I've even tried to go bad
Results would be opposite, it wasn't, and I still was crap
This all sounds depressin', I know that, should stop the mopin' schtick
Should always be ready for action
It's the heroic thing to do, that shhh

Villains, they scheme, there I should be (fight)
Though I'm still useless as ca-a-an be
Feel I should help, help's what folks need
In that, I'm includin' me-e-e-e-e-e (can't just up and quit now)

The bad guys I'll punch
They might say "ou-ouchies" (right)
Kick 'em right in the butt (in their butt, in their butt)
Might not work, bu-ut see (whoa-oh-oh)
I'm a good distractio-ion
Villains gloat at my fo-olly
Main heroes show up, lock the bad guys up
Gotta look up, keep my chin up
Not-as-bad hero, bu-uddy

Bad-bad-bad, bad hero buddy