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Song Parodies -> "You Ain't Black"
Original Song Title:
"It Ain't Me"
Original Performer:
Kygo & Selena Gomez
Parody Song Title:
"You Ain't Black"
Parody Written by:
The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
The Lyrics
With the events these past few weeks (the end of June and July 2024), I had to write a new parody to chronicle of these events, and decided I had to include one of Brandon's most infamous gaffes, albeit going four years back to the LAST presidential election. It didn't take me long to find a song with a 3-word title with "Ain't" as the middle word and which happened to be one of my favorite songs of the past decade.
YOU AIN'T BLACK
(To the tune of IT AIN'T ME by Kygo and Selena Gomez.)
I live my dream, I continued as Joe’s Veep,
Though I never got a vote in the primaries.
But at that first debate, Trump was lying in wait!
Joe had clearly lost his mind and his memories.
Trump survived the rifle shot. The Party said “You’re all we’ve got,
Play the Race Card to get home, you won’t be on your own!”
If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!
If you don’t vote for me and you’re male, you’re a Sexist!
If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black!
(Where is Jackie? I had oil cancer!)
You ain’t Black!
(Cannibals ate my uncle. We finally beat Medicare!)
You ain’t Black!
(The President of Ukraine: President Putin!)
You ain’t Black!
(I picked Vice President Trump; Only the Lord almighty could convice me to quit!)
You ain’t Black!
I live my dream, I am now the Nominee!
With a great history to fill the shoes of Joe!
I closed the border, raised bail for peaceful protesters,
I’ll be guided by the words of that great statesman Joe.
If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!
If you don’t vote for me and you’re male, you’re a Sexist!
If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black! No, no!
You ain’t Black! No, no!
You ain’t Black! No, no!
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black!
(I can imagine what can be, and be unburdened by what has been!)
You ain’t Black!
(I love Venn diagrams. It’s just something about those three circles!)
You ain’t Black!
(Who doesn’t love a yellow school bus, right? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus?)
You ain’t Black!
[Insane cackling]
(I can imagine what can be, and be unburdened by what has been!)
[Insane cackling]
(I love Venn diagrams. It’s just something about those three circles!)
[Insane cackling]
(Who doesn’t love a yellow school bus, right? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus?)
You ain’t Black!
(Culture is — it is a reflection of our moment in our time, right? And in present culture is the way we express how we’re feeling about the moment!)
You ain’t Black!
[Continued insane cackling to end of instrumentals]
(To the tune of IT AIN'T ME by Kygo and Selena Gomez.)
I live my dream, I continued as Joe’s Veep,
Though I never got a vote in the primaries.
But at that first debate, Trump was lying in wait!
Joe had clearly lost his mind and his memories.
Trump survived the rifle shot. The Party said “You’re all we’ve got,
Play the Race Card to get home, you won’t be on your own!”
If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!
If you don’t vote for me and you’re male, you’re a Sexist!
If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black!
(Where is Jackie? I had oil cancer!)
You ain’t Black!
(Cannibals ate my uncle. We finally beat Medicare!)
You ain’t Black!
(The President of Ukraine: President Putin!)
You ain’t Black!
(I picked Vice President Trump; Only the Lord almighty could convice me to quit!)
You ain’t Black!
I live my dream, I am now the Nominee!
With a great history to fill the shoes of Joe!
I closed the border, raised bail for peaceful protesters,
I’ll be guided by the words of that great statesman Joe.
If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!
If you don’t vote for me and you’re male, you’re a Sexist!
If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black! No, no!
You ain’t Black! No, no!
You ain’t Black! No, no!
Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:
You ain’t Black!
(I can imagine what can be, and be unburdened by what has been!)
You ain’t Black!
(I love Venn diagrams. It’s just something about those three circles!)
You ain’t Black!
(Who doesn’t love a yellow school bus, right? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus?)
You ain’t Black!
[Insane cackling]
(I can imagine what can be, and be unburdened by what has been!)
[Insane cackling]
(I love Venn diagrams. It’s just something about those three circles!)
[Insane cackling]
(Who doesn’t love a yellow school bus, right? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus?)
You ain’t Black!
(Culture is — it is a reflection of our moment in our time, right? And in present culture is the way we express how we’re feeling about the moment!)
You ain’t Black!
[Continued insane cackling to end of instrumentals]
Since the words spoken in between the "It ain't me" lines in the refrain of the original song are staccato and very digitally garbled to the point of nearly undecipherable, the actual quotes or paraphrases of the people should should fit right in!
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Just a slight edit to improve the pacing and syllabication of the chorus. Please replace this chorus: If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!/ If you don’t vote for me and you’re male, you’re a Sexist!/ If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,/ Then if you still don’t vote for me, then you’re a Racist:/ You ain’t Black!... With: If you don’t vote for me and you’re White, then you’re Racist!/ Those who don’t vote for me and are male are Sexist Pigs!/ If you’re of Color and don’t yet know, just recall the words of Joe,/ Then if you still don’t vote for me, you’re also Racist:/ You ain’t Black!...
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