Sitting here just trying not to bitch
It’s hard to fight these comments when my bladder is so full
I should have gone at B.P. ten minutes ago

I never thought I’d have to go that bad
So hard to go when you can’t help but notice the dirt
I anticipate a surprise up my shirt

Took a piss in a bush; had to go bad
Hope that sweet ol’ granny isn’t too mad
It wasn’t like she saw me do it
She was only trying to knit
A blanket from the wool yarn she looped from
That I had thought to make toilet paper from
But then I found some grass beside the pissed-in bush

I know that if I look around hard enough
I will find a Port-a-Potty or a cup along the road
Or a child’s sneaker or a half-full tin of Skoal

Took a piss in a bright red solo cup
And shortly thereafter pulled my pants up
I’m won-der-in’ why I smell like beer
To me that smell is so queer
Warned my friends next to me not to drink it
They’d mistake it for Diet Mountain Dew shit
And then they’d realize that I took a piss in it

Cannot drink any more water
I know I’ll have to go
And there’s nowhere to stop
Oh there’s nowhere to stop

Took a piss in my pants on the way home
And now I want you to leave me alone
I know I really stunk up the car
Can’t help my bladder’s sub-par
Though there is a slight chance that I just might
Have a towel and a nice, clean change of clothes that
I could just change into

Let me change into my nice, clean change of clothes
Nice, clean change of clothes
Change of clothes…