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Song Parodies -> "Festus"
Original Song Title:
"Judas"
Original Performer:
Lady Gaga
Parody Song Title:
"Festus"
Parody Written by:
Robert D. Arndt Jr.
The Lyrics
Everyone loves Festus from "Gunsmoke"!!! I never watched the series that much back in the day, so I stuck to the basics for this parody... hope you guys like it :)
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
A newcomer to Dodge City
Becomes Marshall Matt Dillon’s Deputy
A trapper who couldn’t read, but was brave
Once served in the Confederate Army
He came to town, came to town, town
Now known all around, known all around
[Chorus]
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
Walks around town lookin’ so dirty
Most proper folk just move out of his way
He loves to argue with Doc Adams
Even with a poor vocabulary!
He came to town, came to town, town
Now known all around, known all around
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
[Bridge]
In the most cultural sense,
He is beyond acceptance
Chew spitter, pitiful wretch, covered in grime
No, it doesn’t make much sense
But he has a keen sixth sense
Festus, finds the evidence,
Makes arrests, helps to stop crime
Everyone loves you,
Seems when sober there’s nothin’ you can’t do
Long Branch you can‘t refuse,
Alcohol is the vice you stick to
You stick to
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
He’s an ornery ole scudder!!!
Golly Bill!!!
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
A newcomer to Dodge City
Becomes Marshall Matt Dillon’s Deputy
A trapper who couldn’t read, but was brave
Once served in the Confederate Army
He came to town, came to town, town
Now known all around, known all around
[Chorus]
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
Walks around town lookin’ so dirty
Most proper folk just move out of his way
He loves to argue with Doc Adams
Even with a poor vocabulary!
He came to town, came to town, town
Now known all around, known all around
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
[Bridge]
In the most cultural sense,
He is beyond acceptance
Chew spitter, pitiful wretch, covered in grime
No, it doesn’t make much sense
But he has a keen sixth sense
Festus, finds the evidence,
Makes arrests, helps to stop crime
Everyone loves you,
Seems when sober there’s nothin’ you can’t do
Long Branch you can‘t refuse,
Alcohol is the vice you stick to
You stick to
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
Can be a Drunken Fool, still loyal to “Math-HEW”
But no more beer for Festus, (Miss) Kitty
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
No, no, no, no
No more beer for Festus
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
(at the) Long Branch
Festus!
HAGGEN
He’s an ornery ole scudder!!!
Golly Bill!!!
http://www.democrattribune.com/photos/11/88/64/1188641-H.jpg
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User Comments
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Had big shoes to fill, but Ken Curtis made a close fit
Outstanding Festus tribute!
Thanks guys! Westerns are not best subject but AFW might be interested to know that I do plan to do a parody about the German western Old Shatterhand and Winnetou by Karl May. His works are excellent but expensive!!! The Fuhrer loved American Westerns as well as May's books :)
You really brought him to life in this parody!
When I was a kid this show was on all the time. My parents loved it, but I just watched some episodes here and there. My favorite character was Festus b/c of his crude appearance and poor vocabulary! I just thought up this parody while trying to rhyme "Judas". I never plan to write anything per day... topics just come to me :)
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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