I'm pretty bad at golf, true fact
But do my friends care about that?
They might pretend to but I see
Right through their game to invite me
Along to greens to take no shots
But "learn" from them and how they rock
Hard to be glad, I just delete
The messages they send to me

'Cause there's no way I'm gonna fall for that hell
Know they just want me to haul their crap, well
Fool me three times, shame on me, I won't be
Caddie, caddie

All those louts whack their ball
Until right down that hole it falls
And when I'm there as their caddie
I'd rather be in that hole too, frankly
Their stupid jokes just aren't worth all
The insults thrown at me, "Don't you know
What a 3-wood is?" Well, no, see
You all told me the point was you'd teach

Not gonna head out to their course, total hell
Yelled at, mocked and then ignored? Far from swell
Haul your own clubs to the green, I won't be
Caddie, caddie
I don't need (I don't need) the constant mockery
Rather be (rather be) at home browsing a wiki
Learn more there, see (plain to see), than with you lot, I won't be
Caddie, caddie

I know how it's gonna go
When you overpackers let me know
That you're after help, no "please"
"Caddie" sounds like "mule" to me

I don't need (I don't need) a hernia, you see
Hard to breathe (hard to breathe) 'cause of all the clubs you "need"
But I believe (I believe) you just love my pain, won't be
Caddie, caddie, caddie