There's a smile on my face
Pot has now been jacked
Sounds like nonsense but trust me
Won't care with what I have
In this folder are the secrets of my greatest foe
I hope to know what his weakness is so bad

Classified dirt, the payoff for my work
Sweat and fried nerves has netted this paydirt
Classified dirt, the hot scoop on that jerk
And he'll deserve what I'll do with this
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt

Three whole days of typing
Hands are so cramped now
And this huge mess of wiring
Threatened to burn me down, down, down
But it held until I found the things I had to know
Can't wait to gloat once he works out he's been had

Classified dirt, I'll tear down that big jerk
His soul will hurt when I reveal this dirt
Classified dirt, the secretest of words
Whole web will learn and meme-ify this
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt

Classified dirt, this better had be worth
All of my work, let's see, what is his dirt?

Classified dirt, I can't believe these words
That complete jerk, this cannot be the dirt
Classified dirt, all that it says is "derp"
How did my work not turn up any
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, di-dirt, dirt, dirt
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt?