Epic Rap Battles of History!

George Lucas!

vs....

Gene Roddenberry!

Begin!

(Lucas)
A long time ago
in a studio far, far away
I built an Empire that makes your Federation
look like a lame stage play!
I'm winning this battle
'cause like Han, I'm shooting first.
As long as "Spock's Brain" is still airing
"Phantom Menace" ain't the worst!
Darth Vader could slice right through
your starship Enterprise
while your Starfleet would have no chance
against my valiant Jedis!
The Force is strong in me
while it's weak in you.
You should put on a red shirt
so I can drive my lightsaber through!

(Roddenberry)
These are the voyages
that you tried to copy.
Compared to my odd-numbered movies
even "Return of the Jedi" looks sloppy!
Unlike Luke, I'm a real war pilot
and an ex-L.A. cop.
My warp beats your hyperspace
so pull over and stop!
I had an Asian and a Russian
and a black chick for diversity
while only Lando Calrissian
broke your films' white supremacy!
I don't give a damn who shot first:
Han Solo or Greedo.
A shuttlecraft could blow the Death Star
with just one photon torpedo!
(Gene illustrates the number one with his middle finger.)

(Lucas)
If it's all about fanboys
we've both got a case.
But if it's all about money
then I'm the Emperor of Space!
Your special effects were far surpassed
by mine in just a few years.
And your scripts were like Khan's eels
causing pain in my ears!

(Roddenberry)
Who starts a big saga
with Episode IV?
Your films got real stiff
but not adaptable like the Borg!
You ripped "American Graffiti" off
with the racing of those pods.
Spock would reveal your chance of beating me
but you'd say...

(Lucas)
Never tell me the odds!

(J.J. Abrams steps in)
Maybe I should play peacemaker
'cause I run the shows now.
I took over from both of you
so both of you should bow!
Before I came along
people had ceased to care.
Now I'm blowin' s*** up
with my big lens flare!

(Roddenberry)
Oh, HELL to the no!
Your "Trek" films have been crap!
Don't let him near "Star Wars," George!

(Lucas)
I know: IT'S A TRAP!
There is no escape.
It's time for a diss!
J.J, you're gonna have
a bad feeling about this!
It's time for a team-up.
You've just brought us together.
But nothing you do
is ever gonna be better!

(Roddenberry)
My scripts were timeless
and always topical.
The movies you made
are highly illogical!
Star Trek's about exploration.
You've hardly left Earth at all.
Your Spock's too emotional
and your Kirk comes up small!

(Lucas)
What the hell was Disney thinking
to give you the sequels?
They'll be lower to the ground
than Jonathan Archer's beagle!
Even with those flares, into darkness
goes every film you do!
They're the sci-fi film equivalent
of DC's crap New 52!

(Roddenberry)
Your film style is horrible
and your rap wasn't lyrical.
Saving your films isn't possible.
Even Scotty can't do that miracle!
Your films are without honor.
It's time for a pyre.

(Lucas)
I've got my blaster charged.

(Roddenberry)
Mister Lucas...

Fire.

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

(transporter sound, as the ERBOH logo is beamed onto the screen)

Rap Battles of History!