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Song Parodies -> "Han Solo vs. Katniss Everdeen"
Original Song Title:
"Epic Rap Battles of History"
Original Performer:
Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd
Parody Song Title:
"Han Solo vs. Katniss Everdeen"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
I did one for Indiana Jones. Now, here's Harrison Ford again -- with an Indy reference.
Epic Rap Battles of History!
Han Solo!
vs….
Katniss Everdeen!
Begin!
(Han)
I’m shooting first
And I’m winning completely.
Ain’t never met a woman
who could ever beat me.
I beat an entire Empire:
Two Death Stars gone.
You only beat a Snow
who knew even less than Jon!
I’m a charter inductee
in the Sci-Fi Hall of Fame
‘cause when it comes to fighting bad guys
I don’t play Games!
I sold more action figures
than all your Districts’ youths
so lay down your arrows
and pay me some tributes!
(Katniss)
I’m catching fire
but you’re about to be told:
Like that carbonite bath
my rhymes will leave you ice-cold!
Your Millennium Falcon’s just
an outer-space go-kart.
You call yourself a shooter?
You’re just a ripoff of Bogart!
No one gives a s***
how fast you ran the Kessel
and I’ve heard wittier banter
from Georgie F***ing Jessel!
My life is a triumph.
Yours is totally regrettable.
Your wife kissed her brother
but it’s your son who was Oedipal!
(Han)
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
But unlike a wookie
no one has to let me win
especially a rookie.
Your style smells worse
than Jabba the Hutt
so it’s easy for me to kick
your shapely butt!
You’ll Rue the day
this battle was applied
like when your boyfriend Peeta
fell to the Dark Side!
I’m the Rebel Alliance’s
ultimate life-saver!
Never tell me the odds:
They were not in your favor!
(Katniss)
When duty called me
I stood to volunteer
while money was the only thing
that you held dear
‘til a half-pint princess
excited your dick.
But I’m the star of my series.
You’re a Jedi’s sidekick!
Chewie can’t save you
nor can Lando Calrissian.
Even a lead-lined fridge
won’t save your mission!
My words skewered you
like arrows from my bow!
This battle is over.
I beat you!
(Han – with fingers crossed behind his back)
I know.
Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide?
Epic…
(sound of the Millennium Falcon’s laser cannon)
Rap Battles of History!
Han Solo!
vs….
Katniss Everdeen!
Begin!
(Han)
I’m shooting first
And I’m winning completely.
Ain’t never met a woman
who could ever beat me.
I beat an entire Empire:
Two Death Stars gone.
You only beat a Snow
who knew even less than Jon!
I’m a charter inductee
in the Sci-Fi Hall of Fame
‘cause when it comes to fighting bad guys
I don’t play Games!
I sold more action figures
than all your Districts’ youths
so lay down your arrows
and pay me some tributes!
(Katniss)
I’m catching fire
but you’re about to be told:
Like that carbonite bath
my rhymes will leave you ice-cold!
Your Millennium Falcon’s just
an outer-space go-kart.
You call yourself a shooter?
You’re just a ripoff of Bogart!
No one gives a s***
how fast you ran the Kessel
and I’ve heard wittier banter
from Georgie F***ing Jessel!
My life is a triumph.
Yours is totally regrettable.
Your wife kissed her brother
but it’s your son who was Oedipal!
(Han)
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
But unlike a wookie
no one has to let me win
especially a rookie.
Your style smells worse
than Jabba the Hutt
so it’s easy for me to kick
your shapely butt!
You’ll Rue the day
this battle was applied
like when your boyfriend Peeta
fell to the Dark Side!
I’m the Rebel Alliance’s
ultimate life-saver!
Never tell me the odds:
They were not in your favor!
(Katniss)
When duty called me
I stood to volunteer
while money was the only thing
that you held dear
‘til a half-pint princess
excited your dick.
But I’m the star of my series.
You’re a Jedi’s sidekick!
Chewie can’t save you
nor can Lando Calrissian.
Even a lead-lined fridge
won’t save your mission!
My words skewered you
like arrows from my bow!
This battle is over.
I beat you!
(Han – with fingers crossed behind his back)
I know.
Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide?
Epic…
(sound of the Millennium Falcon’s laser cannon)
Rap Battles of History!
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 8 | 8 | 8 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
User Comments
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As a dedicated Star Wars fan, I give this 555! Nice that you mentioned Han's famous , "Never tell me the odds" line and the mention of the Kessel run was noteworthy although a parsec is a measure of distance, NOT time (a parsec is 3.26 light years)! No mention of scruffy Nerf Herder or of the game Sabaac though. The Indy fridge line was great, however. Btw, Alden Ehrenreich will play the young Han Solo in the next Rogue Adventure. And finally, Solo was never a Jedi sidekick to Luke or Leia (who never truly develops her power except in non-canon books). Han is forever a rogue and scoundrel, good with his modified BlasTech DL-44 blaster and BFF with Chewie. You might have thrown in a line with C-3PO saying, Sir, the odds of beating Katniss Everdeen are...X:1!"
Poor Han Solo ended up on the cutting floor, so he's gone--for now anyway. Maybe he'll do a Spock in some future sequel. Thanks to the KCK Public Library I got to see all four episodes of the Hunger Games trilogy. Great ending there, too. I'd have shoved Donald Sutherland off that slippery marble podium in episode one. Of course, there wouldn't have been three sequels. Glad to see an epic battle between two characters I am somewhat familiar with.
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