Epic Rap Battles of History!

Sean Connery!

vs….

Roger Moore!

Begin!

(Connery)
Good evening, Mr. Moore.
I've been expecting you.
I'm going to spend the next
two minutes wrecking you.
I'm a great Scot.
I’m timelessly hot.
Would anyone prefer you as Bond?
I think not.
I’m the original
007
always getting women's
motors revvin’.
I can get women
from any nation.
I'll give you a grand slam.
That's my operation.

(Moore)
My name is Roger
and I've got more
from the real hair on my roof
to the henchmen on the floor.
I'll blow you up
like I did to Kananga.
You got animated in Japan
but you couldn't scare a manga.
You weren't the original.
Everyone can see
Barry Nelson on Fifties’
American TV.
I'm the true Master
of the spying craft.
I'm the one who finally
gave Blofeld the shaft.

(Connery)
I can’t believe I’m wasting
my time with you, clown.
This isn’t a toupee:
It’s the Bondsmen’s crown.
I’ll leave you shaken
but I’m not stirred.
Even George Lazenby
was less absurd!
Playing Bond or not
I’m still number one
especially considering your
Cannonball Run.
I even laugh at you from inside
Goldfinger’s restraints
I'd rather laugh with the sinners
than cry with The Saint.

(Moore)
You’re calling me a clown?
I admit it. I own it.
While you gave Pussy Galore
a “Me Too Moment.”
You were stopped before
you could get into space
while I piloted a shuttle
and put a smile on Jaws’ face.
I was in Cannonball Run.
Yessireebob.
You wore a red diaper in Zardoz.
Talk about an odd job.
You were Quartermain instead of Gandalf.
You couldn’t even retire right.
Still, you’re as human as the next man:
Me.
Good night!