This road runs for 358 miles, hey (in the Keystone State)
I’ll have to get myself an EZ-Pass, yeah (in the Keystone State)
‘Cause I hate Pennsylvania’s tolls
They charge a fortune on the way out to Pittsburgh, yeah
I have to pay $1 to drive ten miles (on I-76)
Going through those four-lane tunnels isn’t style (but it’s I-76)
‘Cause I hate Pennsylvania’s tolls, yeah
Say when I get off the Turnpike, my friends ask, “Joe, is there a toll?”
You said tolls? I’m not from around here.
Well, I have to pay another toll
Even though I’m from New Jersey I’m trying to drive straight through a mountain
I know this road sure has some views
But I might as well end up screwed
Well, if you want to head to Philly
Let’s hit downtown, ‘cause I know the place is thrilling
And then we’ll head to Hershey
The tolls are so bad and if there’s traffic, I will hit it
For at least 30 minutes
I know I really want to forget it
And if you want to go to Harrisburg
I’ll tell a joke on the way there and ask if you get it
Yeah, if you want to go to Harrisburg
You might as roll with a real traveler
I’m not talking about those fools
I’m talking about me and you
Now I have to get an EZ-Pass (in the Keystone State)
Find myself an alternate route (in the Keystone State)
‘Cause I hate Pennsylvania’s tolls
I have to pay a dollar to drive 10 miles (in the Keystone State)
Paying overpriced tolls just isn’t my style (in the Keystone State)
Yeah, I hate Pennsylvania’s tolls
And when I hand over the money just to pay the freaking tolls?
You say no, let me show you a different way
This driver wants to roll with a winner
Avoid the tolls like a winner, like Pocono’s best, yeah
I have nothing to lose
I’m talking about me and you
If I go to Lehigh Valley, yeah, the scenic Lehigh Valley
Just tell them what my name is
You’ve heard about me, the whole state’s heard about me
You heard all the cities that I’m in gang-banging
But I’m not talking about the news
You know that I’m talking about you
Let me show you all around
I could show you where the truckers get it
And if you’re heading to Johnstown
You might as well roll with a real driver
I’m not talking about those other fools
I’m talking about me and you
Now I have to get an EZ-Pass (in the Keystone State)
Find myself an alternate route (in the Keystone State)
‘Cause I hate Pennsylvania’s tolls
Whenever I drive for a hundred miles (in the Keystone State)
Paying $10 in tolls just isn’t my style (in the Keystone State)
I can’t stand Pennsylvania’s tolls
(J.C.: There’s an exit up ahead. Let’s get off before we have to pay too much!)