(Looks bad)
Yeah, man

A lack of hair, that sucks
Smattering of grey on the back and sides
Ba-back and sides
You're sick of your douche sons
Calling you a slaphead, best slap their hides
Sla-slap their hides
Hey, bud
Don't buy a wig, most of them just look dumb
Yeah, they look pretty silly
Where'd you get that eyesore?
Looks like a small creature just died, died, died
Died-died, died

I can't tell a lie
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
It doesn't look right
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
So crap, crap, hope it won't last, last
I heard your wife, wife
Said it looks shite
No, I cannot lie
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend

It's flappin' in the wind
I think you should take it off now, now, now
Now-now, now now
I'll set that thing on fire
Cause you kinda look like a clown, clown, clown
Clo-clown, clown, clown (come on)
Hey, bud, you should take it off
Cause you look like Don Trump
Yes, it does look that shoddy
The quality is poor
It would make a hairdresser cry, cry, cry
Cry-cry, cry

It doesn't look right
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
Your baldness is fine
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend (oh, yeah)
Looks crap, crap, and it won't last, last
Think you should find, find
Your receipt, Mike
No, I will not lie
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend

Lose it, it's shite (oooooh whoo!)
Toupee looks bad, doesn't blend, man, with your skin, man
Ditch it, buddy, worse than hair on a rag doll
That's the truth, bro
It won't stop the hazing, that is a big no, heh
At this point, why cover just the bald spot?
Let's go crazy, buy an afro or some dreadlocks
Get rid of your 'do, it's a huge flop
Get it refunded *ching!* jackpot
Makes you look like a fool
Mr. Slaphead gets less stares in a room
Than that supid toupee, so ditch it, dude
No more lookin' like a big tool
Buddy

So lose it tonight
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
(Keep the bald head, ditch the weird rug of fur)
It doesn't sit right
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff (hairpiece)
So bad, get a refund (oooooh whoo!)
It's crap, crap, bet it won't last, last
Begging for lice, lice
Don't want that, right?

So ditch it tonight
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
Is it made from mice?
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
So bad, bad, itchy as crap, crap
Why did you buy, buy
It, it's so shite
Please lose it tonight
That toupee isn't quite up to snuff, my friend
(Oooooh whoo!)

Please, lose that toupee, heh-ha