Friends crack up
Girls listen up!

If they can't write in the proper way
If they don't know how to conjugate
Maybe they flunked that class
And maybe now she finds
That people mock them on-line
(Friends wise up!)

Okay, now here's the deal
She'll try to educate them
Gonna familiarize
Those Biskit Twins with the nomenclature
They'll learn the definitions
Of nouns and prepositions
Literacy's their mission

And that's why she thinks it's a good time
To learn some grammar (What!?)
Now, did she stammer?
Work on that grammar
They should know when
It's "less" or it's "fewer"
Like friends who were
Never raised at all

Blythe Baxter hates these Biskit Twins
Like "she could care less"
That means they do care
At least a little
Don't be a moron
They'd better slow down
And use the right pronoun
Show the entire world they're not yelling
Friends wise up!

Say they got an "it"
Followed by apostrophe, "s"
Now what does that mean?
They would not use "it's" in this case
As a possessive (no no no)
It's a contraction (yeah yeah yeah)
What's a contraction?
Well, it's a shortening of a word, or a group of words by omission of a sound or letter

Okay, now here's some notes
Syntax they're always mangling
No "x" in "espresso"
Their participle's danglin'
But Blythe doesn't want their drama
If they really wanna
Leave out that Oxford comma

Just keep in mind that "be", "see", "are", "they"
Are words, not letters
Get it together
Use their spell-checkers
They should never
Write words using numbers
Unless they're seventeen
Or their names are Lily and Daisy
Friends wise up!

Blythe Baxter hates these Biskit Twins (she hates them twins)
They really need a (she hates them twins)
Full-time proofreader (she means those twins)
They are dumb mouth-breathers
Well, they should hire
Some cunning linguist
To help them distinguish
What is proper English
Friends wise up!

One thing Blythe asks of them
Time to learn their homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Always say "to whom"
Don't ever say "to who"
And listen up when Blythe gave them a tickle
Blythe hopes they never use quotation marks for emphasis
They finished becoming frenemies
Blythe hopes they could survive
If they're doing good or doing well
Friends wise up!
They'd better figure out the difference
Irony is not coincidence
And Blythe thoughts that they'd gotten it through their skulls
What's figurative and what's literal
Oh but just now Blythe says
They literally couldn't find their bed (What!?)
That really makes Blythe want to literally
Get a feather and tickle their feet
Friends wise up!

Blythe reads their e-mail
It's quite apparent
Their grammar's errant
They're incoherent
Saw their blog posts
It's really fantastic
That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!)
'Cause they write like spastics

They hate Blythe Baxter
Friends wise up!
Their ideas are dumb
Think they should never
Write while screaming
Oh, they're a lost 'cause
Go back to becoming stupidheads
Get rid of Blythe Baxter
Try their best to not abuse Blythe

Never mind they give up
Really now they give up
Get lost!