The Lyrics
(The parody's basic theme is that John Adams is a Patriotic Exhibitionist who never wears anything below the waist, and who is therefore trying to get Congress to approve a Declaration of Public Nudity)
(spoken)
(ADAMS: )
All right now gentlemen, let's get on with it... Which one of us shall write our Declaration of Public Nudity?
(singing)
(FRANKLIN: )
Mr. Adams, I say you, should write it
To your shameless self-exposure we defer
(ADAMS: )
Nay, sir, nay!
For if I'm the one to do it
They'll run their quill pens through it
They're all jealous of my wood, you know that, sir
(FRANKLIN, rolling his eyes: )
Whatever you say...
(ADAMS: )
So I say you should write it, Franklin, yes, you!
(FRANKLIN: )
Hell, no!
(ADAMS: )
Yes, you, Dr. Franklin, you!
(FRANKLIN: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(FRANKLIN: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(FRANKLIN: )
But!
(FRANKLIN: )
Mr. Adams
But, Mr. Adams
The things I write are pornographic entertainia
I put erotica on paper - that's my mania
So please peruse, and use your hand for Masturbania
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, LIVINGSTON, AND JEFFERSON: )
Mas-turbania!
Mas-turbania!
Peruse
And use
Your ha-a-a-a-and!
(ADAMS: )
Mr. Sherman, I say you, should write it
You are not an exhibitionist, no sir!
(SHERMAN, shrugging: )
Clothes are good...
(ADAMS: )
For if I'm the one to do it
They'll run their quill pens through it
They're all jealous of my wood, you know that, sir
(SHERMAN: )
What's a "wood" ?
(ADAMS: )
So I say you should write it, Sherman, yes you!
(SHERMAN: )
Good heavens, no!
(ADAMS: )
Yes, you, Roger Sherman, you!
(SHERMAN: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(SHERMAN: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(SHERMAN: )
But!
(SHERMAN: )
Mr. Adams
But, Mr. Adams
I dare not write about a topic such as nudity
It offends my sense of modesty and prudity
Besides which I might get aroused from all that crudity
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, LIVINGSTON, AND JEFFERSON: )
Ca-rudity!
Ca-rudity!
A horny cobbler he!
(ADAMS: )
Mr. Livingston, maybe you should write it
You have orgies in your downtown New York flat!
(FRANKLIN: )
Lusty whores!
(ADAMS: )
For if I'm the one to do it
They'll run their quill pens through it
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, AND JEFFERSON: )
He thinks WE en-vy his wood, did you know that?
(LIVINGSTON: )
He's such a bore !
(ADAMS: )
So I say you should write it, Livingston, yes you!
(LIVINGSTON: )
Not me, Johnny!
(ADAMS: )
Yes, you, Robert Livingston, you!
(LIVINGSTON: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(LIVINGSTON: )
But!
(ADAMS: )
You!
(LIVINGSTON: )
But!
(LIVINGSTON: )
Mr. Adams
Dear Mr. Adams
I've been presented with an insult to my manly pride
So I am going home to shoot a gun be-tween the thighs
Of several bastards who said my man-hood could not a-rise!
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, LIVINGSTON, AND JEFFERSON: )
A-rise!
A-rise!
Livingston's going to shoot some guys!
(spoken)
(ADAMS: )
Well, Mr. Jefferson...?
(singing)
(JEFFERSON: )
Mr. Adams,
Fig-leaf your groin!
(spoken)
(ADAMS: )
Mr. Jefferson -
(JEFFERSON: )
Mr. Adams, I beg you, we've had enough of you swinging your Johnson around these six months!
(ADAMS: )
"...and we solemnly declare we will dress lightly in the midst of the summer's heat, being with one mind resolved to die cool men, rather than to live as sweat-hogs."
Thomas Jefferson, "On The Stupidity Of Wearing Wool In The Summer", 1775 - magnificent ... You write ten times better than any man in Congress, including me. For a man of only thirty-three years you possess a happy talent for composition and a remarkable felicity of expression. Now, Mr. Jefferson - will you be a nudist...or a prudist?
(JEFFERSON: )
A prudist.
(ADAMS: )
No!
(JEFFERSON: )
But I might get aroused, Mr A !
(ADAMS: )
So might I, Mr. J !
(FRANKLIN: )
John, you can still get it up?
(SHERMAN: )
Really?
(LIVINGSTON: )
Who'd have thought it!
(singing)
(ADAMS: )
Mr. Jefferson
Dear Mr. Jefferson
Although I still possess my potent male virility
No sweaty Congressmen can make my Johnson stiff, you see -
Only my dear wife Abigail has that ability!
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, AND LIVINGSTON: )
That ability!
That ability!
Has-that-a-bi-li-
(spoken)
(ADAMS: )
QUIET !!!
Now, you'll write it, Mr. J.!
(JEFFERSON: ) (Six-foot-three)
Who will make me, Mr. A.?
(ADAMS: ) (Five-foot-eight)
I !
(JEFFERSON: )
You?
(ADAMS: )
Yes!
(JEFFERSON: )
How?
(ADAMS: ) (Taps Jefferson on chest with quill pen)
By--by physical force, if necessary! It's your duty--your duty, dammit!!
(singing)
(JEFFERSON: )
Mr. Adams
Damn you, Mr. Adams
You're unclothed below the waist and now you've realized
That you need my help to get your Johnson legalized
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, AND LIVINGSTON: )
" Le-ga-lized..."
(JEFFERSON: )
Ohhhh Mr. Adams, you are begging to be CIRCUMCISED!!!
(FRANKLIN, SHERMAN, AND LIVINGSTON: )
Circumcised!
Circumcised!
We
May
Hear
John scream
Yet!