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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad of My Zeta 'Jones'"
Original Song Title:
"The Ballad of the Green Berets"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Barry Sadler
Parody Song Title:
"The Ballad of My Zeta 'Jones'"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
Hey, if the Red Sox can win the World Series... but then, by that standard, I'll have to wait until Michael Douglas is 86 years old! I mean, until he really IS that old!
(drum opening)
Fighting tears... come from my eyes.
Tried to wait... until he dies.
Feel the ache... within my bones.
I've still got... a Zeta jones.
Feel her wings... upon my chest.
This won't be... and I am depressed.
One hundred men... will buy her phones.
But only one... has Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Trained to act... on England's stage.
Trained in tap-dance... all the rage.
Smooth dance moves... and velvet tones.
She's not mine... Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Feel her wings... upon my chest.
This won't be... and I am depressed.
One hundred men... will buy her phones.
But only one... has Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Back at home... this young man waits.
Old Douglas knows... his girl is great.
Soon he'll die... no, that won't work.
'Cause older still... is his dad Kirk.
Won't feel her wings... upon my chest.
Give it up... it would be for the best.
Won't be the man... who gives her moans.
Still I wish... for Zeta-Jones.
Fighting tears... come from my eyes.
Tried to wait... until he dies.
Feel the ache... within my bones.
I've still got... a Zeta jones.
Feel her wings... upon my chest.
This won't be... and I am depressed.
One hundred men... will buy her phones.
But only one... has Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Trained to act... on England's stage.
Trained in tap-dance... all the rage.
Smooth dance moves... and velvet tones.
She's not mine... Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Feel her wings... upon my chest.
This won't be... and I am depressed.
One hundred men... will buy her phones.
But only one... has Ms. Zeta-Jones.
Back at home... this young man waits.
Old Douglas knows... his girl is great.
Soon he'll die... no, that won't work.
'Cause older still... is his dad Kirk.
Won't feel her wings... upon my chest.
Give it up... it would be for the best.
Won't be the man... who gives her moans.
Still I wish... for Zeta-Jones.
Judge not, lest ye be reminded of thine own hopeless crush!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
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| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 |
User Comments
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I broke up when I read this, "Soon he'll die... no, that won't work. 'Cause older still... is his dad Kirk." 555
Move in, Michael....move on. It'll only screw you up, dude. ;-) 555
Very funny (again!), Michael... (and by-the-bye, *this* time it *could* be Arwen who left the 1's!)
HAHAHA! You know... I may know some people who could.. do the job... 5-5-5
Hee...I'm especially fond of the PS, Mister Pacholek. I'll have you know, however, that Mr. Diesel and I are on an official break. We're spending some time apart so that he can learn to appreciate me more, and so that I can make room for Mister Wentworth Miller... ; )
So is that it? I gotta be a brooding, ham-actor, shaved-headed son of a mixed marriage? Well, I'm quite capable of brooding, and (as anyone who reads my parodies can guess) I'm very much the ham. (Not today, though: Being one-quarter Jewish, I have to not consider writing anything for six hours. It's Yom Kippur.) But I'm the first guy in my family to still have all his hair in his 30s, so that's out. Then again, my parents are a mixed marriage: He's normal, she's nuts! (The sense of humor comes from Dad, the craziness from Mom.)
ah, equal opportunity
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