I have a darling,
Light on her feet
She’s my dancing queen
While the music plays upon my gramophone
She gets jiggy,
I sit alone.

Then she would tell me
So lovingly
“Honey, here’s the score.
Honey, to keep me,
Dance with me sweetly
Or I’m out the door.”

Oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oooo
Oh Lord, what to do!
(oh Lord what to, oh Lord what to do)
Then it occurred to me
Just what I should do.

Called Arthur Murray,
Scheduled a date
“Dear girl, come along.
We can dance together, it’ll be sublime
We’ll make love in
Three-quarter time.”

Doing the cha-cha,
All the routines
Till our feet were sore.
We skipped the TV,
I grew a goatee
We had great rapport.

Every Friday we would have a lesson
And we’d dance all night
For a year or more

Then that fateful day
(ooh that fateful, ooh that fateful day)
That’s when she met Henri
He was quite sua-vay.

She is a Ginger,
He Fred Astaire
Dancing shoe to shoe
He is very handsome in a classic way
Has false teeth and
Wears a toupee

Now I can watch them on ABC
Old girl I adored
Now she’s behind me,
Time to now find me
Someone twenty-four.