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Song Parodies -> "If You Were A Parodist (Summer Savings: Two Songs for the Price of One!)"
Original Song Title:
"If I Were A Carpenter"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Bobby Darin
Parody Song Title:
"If You Were A Parodist (Summer Savings: Two Songs for the Price of One!)"
Parody Written by:
Bob Gomez
The Lyrics
A.L.= Alternate Line. Enjoy!
If you were a parodist
And liked entertaining
Could you parody anything?
Could you get high ratings?
If you were Royce Miller
And dated the Florios
Would you offer them cookies or (A.L.: Would you bait your fishing hook)
Some Bach oratorios? (A.L.: With some plastic Oreos?)
If you were Malc Higgins (A.L.: If you, Professor Higgins)
And met Pip and Merry (A.L.: Met Merry and Peregrin)
Would you find them androgynous (A.L.: Would you cease your gay-bashing songs)
And a bit less scary? (A.L.: Maybe even share a grin?)
If you, Claude, were Prezzident
And needed a toe-lick (A.L.: And misplaced your Rolex)
Would you call up your special friend (A.L.: Would you call up your spackle friend)
That weasel Pacholek (A.L.: And borrow Pacholek's?)
Save my songs from lowliness
Save them for posterity
The one's guy ("His Assholiness")
Can't touch me or stop my parodies
If you were Sir William
Also known as Tong-Master (A.L.: Our number one parodist)
Would you spend all your evenings
Whacking Bush, that bastard (A.L.: Whacking Bush, whom Kerry dissed?)
If you are the one's guy
And think me no satirist (A.L.: And you're feeling lucky)
Stick to pattern and click away (A.L.: Then write a response to this)
Then jerk off on your mattress (A.L.: And send it to Chucky!)
If Wild Man were your name
Under towering stupa (A.L.: And your drums were Gene Krupa's)
Would you share your sack lunch with me (A.L.: Would you be in my backup band)
And split a chalupa (A.L.: And fry me chalupas?)
Were you known as Jeff Reuben
And we had conversation (A.L.: And weren't impressed with me)
Would you spare me the details of (A.L.: Would you show solidarity)
Your boob operation? (A.L.: By walking abreast with me?)
If your name were Spaff.com (A.L.: If parody were your trade)
And you made me laugh.com (A.L.: And your moniker Spaff.com)
Would you polish your craft.com (A.L.: Would you gift me with four's at least)
And sell it on Half.com? (A.L.: Or give me the shaft.com?)
Save my songs from lowliness
As these rhymes I borrow
The one's guy ("His Assholiness")
Will be giving me no sorrow
If you were a parodist
And liked entertaining
Could you parody anything?
Could you get high ratings?
And liked entertaining
Could you parody anything?
Could you get high ratings?
If you were Royce Miller
And dated the Florios
Would you offer them cookies or (A.L.: Would you bait your fishing hook)
Some Bach oratorios? (A.L.: With some plastic Oreos?)
If you were Malc Higgins (A.L.: If you, Professor Higgins)
And met Pip and Merry (A.L.: Met Merry and Peregrin)
Would you find them androgynous (A.L.: Would you cease your gay-bashing songs)
And a bit less scary? (A.L.: Maybe even share a grin?)
If you, Claude, were Prezzident
And needed a toe-lick (A.L.: And misplaced your Rolex)
Would you call up your special friend (A.L.: Would you call up your spackle friend)
That weasel Pacholek (A.L.: And borrow Pacholek's?)
Save my songs from lowliness
Save them for posterity
The one's guy ("His Assholiness")
Can't touch me or stop my parodies
If you were Sir William
Also known as Tong-Master (A.L.: Our number one parodist)
Would you spend all your evenings
Whacking Bush, that bastard (A.L.: Whacking Bush, whom Kerry dissed?)
If you are the one's guy
And think me no satirist (A.L.: And you're feeling lucky)
Stick to pattern and click away (A.L.: Then write a response to this)
Then jerk off on your mattress (A.L.: And send it to Chucky!)
If Wild Man were your name
Under towering stupa (A.L.: And your drums were Gene Krupa's)
Would you share your sack lunch with me (A.L.: Would you be in my backup band)
And split a chalupa (A.L.: And fry me chalupas?)
Were you known as Jeff Reuben
And we had conversation (A.L.: And weren't impressed with me)
Would you spare me the details of (A.L.: Would you show solidarity)
Your boob operation? (A.L.: By walking abreast with me?)
If your name were Spaff.com (A.L.: If parody were your trade)
And you made me laugh.com (A.L.: And your moniker Spaff.com)
Would you polish your craft.com (A.L.: Would you gift me with four's at least)
And sell it on Half.com? (A.L.: Or give me the shaft.com?)
Save my songs from lowliness
As these rhymes I borrow
The one's guy ("His Assholiness")
Will be giving me no sorrow
If you were a parodist
And liked entertaining
Could you parody anything?
Could you get high ratings?
©Bob Gomez 2003
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User Comments
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What the heck is a towering stupa? Enjoyed your parody, and thanks for the mention, Guy. Yeah, I'll be in your back -up band,Man. Since I'm the Wild Man I'm assuming I'll be playing drums- right?
What the heck is a towering stupa? Enjoyed your parody, and thanks for the mention, Guy. Yeah, I'll be in your back -up band,Man. Since I'm the Wild Man I'm assuming I'll be playing drums- right?
"Stone towers, also known as stupas or pagodas, are reminiscent of Buddhist elements and represent temples of the deities."--Maggie Oster, Reflections of the Spirit: Japanese Gardens in America, 1993. Glad you liked the song, and yeah, you will be playing the drums because I know you know how to rock, you came to party and will go wild at the drop of a chalupa. d;:^)
Gaaah! I think I'll take the alternate line in my verse, Bob. ("His Assholiness" was great!)
I don't know the original, but good lyrics, and thanks for the mention!
Wow Bob, What can I say? You've put me on a pedistal of sorts, hope I can drum up to your expectations, Man.
Very amusing, Bob--
Would I gift you with fours? Hell no - that would be blasphemy!
Missed this first time around - simply brilliant, Bob
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