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Song Parodies -> "My Wife Wants A Carpenter"
Original Song Title:
"If I Were A Carpenter"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Bobby Darin
Parody Song Title:
"My Wife Wants A Carpenter"
Parody Written by:
Kristof Robertson
The Lyrics
If you want a job done properly, call in a professional
My wife wants a carpenter,
Some guy she's emailing
And she told him she needed help
With screwing and nailing
Just coz I've got clumsy hands
And suck at drilling
What a cheek to ask strange men
To assist with "filling"
Wifey wants a better tool
Wifey's phoning "Steven"
I've been made to look like a fool;
The shelves are still uneven!
They're upstairs; he's working wood
And picture hanging [*apparently*]
I'd think they're up to no good
But I can hear banging...[phew!]
He's drunk all my Miller
Struts around bare chested
Where's his chisel and sanding block?
At home? You guessed it!
My wife's got a carpenter;
She's smiling and humming
Now she's said that I'll have to pay
For some brand new plumbing...
(Still upstairs, so I call her name;
She screams "I'M COMING!!!")
Some guy she's emailing
And she told him she needed help
With screwing and nailing
Just coz I've got clumsy hands
And suck at drilling
What a cheek to ask strange men
To assist with "filling"
Wifey wants a better tool
Wifey's phoning "Steven"
I've been made to look like a fool;
The shelves are still uneven!
They're upstairs; he's working wood
And picture hanging [*apparently*]
I'd think they're up to no good
But I can hear banging...[phew!]
He's drunk all my Miller
Struts around bare chested
Where's his chisel and sanding block?
At home? You guessed it!
My wife's got a carpenter;
She's smiling and humming
Now she's said that I'll have to pay
For some brand new plumbing...
(Still upstairs, so I call her name;
She screams "I'M COMING!!!")
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User Comments
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Verrrry funny... 3 blockbusters this week (so far!)... I'm a bit worried for you Kristof... Bobby Darin might come back from the grave to pay you back for this one (with Mack's knife, of course!)...
Great stuff. Very, very funny. Love the last line.
LOL...my favorite of the day
just bloody hilarious, Kristof - and there's that double brain in action again - what a great idea, first brain - what perfect execution, second brain - you really are a funny dude KR - 555
Are there any occupations that don't get laid? Firefighters, Ninjas, Carpenters!!! I want to get hired!!!
Matt, we engineers have trouble...
Excellent stuff, Kristoff.
Have you come across "Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead", by Ivor Biggun? Same sort of idea:
Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead
The randy handyman
He walks in when I walk out
And does a bloody sight better than ever I can
When a lady says "I'm desperate, and only your hammer will do"
Oh, Ted, he seems to understand
He comes by at their command
With his nuts held tightly in his hand
Rub, rub, hammer, hammer, bang screw
:-)
Toolbag Ted from Birkenhead
The randy handyman
He walks in when I walk out
And does a bloody sight better than ever I can
When a lady says "I'm desperate, and only your hammer will do"
Oh, Ted, he seems to understand
He comes by at their command
With his nuts held tightly in his hand
Rub, rub, hammer, hammer, bang screw
:-)
A very belated thanks to all. See, I'd left my toolbelt at the last house I.....never mind. ;-)
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