Please go away people
When I’m in this stall
Tryin’ to s**t in this water
And I need my all
So just please leave the room
And don’t knock on the wall
For when I’m in here I ain’t shavin’
So you better start runnin’
While I answer the call
For a dump I am-a taking

Come wipers and cleaners
Who sanitize with a towel
Just keep the door wide
While I’m emptyin’ bowel
And don’t breathe too soon
While there’s paper on the dowel
And don’t you yell “Phew!” or go blamin’
For it’s looser now
And it’s even more foul
For a dump I am-a taking

Come, janitors, businessmen
Courtesy flush
Lined up at the doorway
You don’t need to push
I couple more spurts
From right out of my tush
And I’ll be right outside, it’s me they’re pagin’
Then I’ll open the windows
In the air will rush
For a dump I am-a taking

Come fathers and children
Needin’ the throne
Aren’t you sorry now
That you aren’t in your home?
A paper-thin gasket
Won’t protect from this foam
Or the war this old ass was wagin’
Please start in on a new roll
The old’s down to the bone
For a dump I was-a taking

The line it is long
The curses are loud
The plumbing now
It thoroughly plowed
Out of order now
I say to the crowd
The other is just for the maidens
And this story ends
With my right eye “pow”ed
For a dump I was-a taking